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Splashtrot

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Splashtrot

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  • Number of visits : 67
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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Splashtrot's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

#21151127
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46666) - you deserved it (6689)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

#21151109
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45072) - you deserved it (31827)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:50am - love - by HomicidalPegasus (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

#21149341
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39620) - you deserved it (3694)

On 05/23/2014 at 3:32pm - kids - by todaddy (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

#21146270
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53144) - you deserved it (4342)

On 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm - misc - by Q - United States

Today, at my job at a fast-food restaurant, I once again got called into the men's bathroom to break up sex between two homeless people. FML

#21145062
191 comments

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, my mother posted a video of me giving birth, on Facebook. FML

#20974447
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52538) - you deserved it (3532)

On 11/29/2013 at 3:23am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

#20974338
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22426) - you deserved it (35592)

On 11/29/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML

#20966535
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44177) - you deserved it (3313)

On 11/22/2013 at 1:20am - kids - by spooked (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42482) - you deserved it (5178)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

#20944161
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38240) - you deserved it (4208)

On 11/03/2013 at 5:27pm - kids - by don'tdrinkthat - United States (Illinois)

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

#20942318
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51922) - you deserved it (4120)

On 11/02/2013 at 9:21am - intimacy - by justme - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML

#20941414
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32043) - you deserved it (2383)

On 11/01/2013 at 2:38pm - misc - by FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61929) - you deserved it (4954)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)



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