This member hasn't filled in the description.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26373) - you deserved it (1651)
On 09/08/2012 at 1:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6685) - you deserved it (15876)
On 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15610) - you deserved it (1156)
On 08/17/2012 at 12:45pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14316) - you deserved it (1006)
On 08/14/2012 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15625) - you deserved it (1492)
On 08/07/2012 at 5:19am - health - by TheCerealKiller - United States (California)
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15625) - you deserved it (1492)
On 08/07/2012 at 5:19am - health - by TheCerealKiller - United States (California)
Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20449) - you deserved it (1668)
On 08/02/2012 at 10:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29686) - you deserved it (2916) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 08/02/2012 at 9:00am - love - by opinaise - France (Midi-Pyrenees)
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45749) - you deserved it (7547)
On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7505) - you deserved it (20305)
On 07/29/2012 at 1:12am - misc - by daydreamer (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20867) - you deserved it (4514)
On 07/12/2012 at 8:52pm - kids - by lostforlife - United States (Maine)
Today, I walked too close to a first-aid kit sticking out of a wall at work, and it cut my arm. Laughing at the irony, I opened it to get a band aid out. It was empty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18474) - you deserved it (1592)
On 07/12/2012 at 2:28pm - work - by Ian Artis - United States
Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7231) - you deserved it (18559)
On 07/12/2012 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23689) - you deserved it (1876)
On 07/11/2012 at 9:29am - intimacy - by Sherry - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my brother was playing with the pepper spray on my key chain. He didn't think it was real, so to test it he sprayed me in the mouth while I was asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20735) - you deserved it (2034)
On 07/11/2012 at 1:04am - kids - by rkbkate - United States (Alabama)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
