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SparkleFace's favorite FMLs
Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML
by lights on forever / 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm / Turkey (Istanbul) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML
by um... what the fuck, miss? / 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML
by right / 08/02/2013 at 10:08am / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Intimacy
by father of the year / 08/01/2013 at 2:21am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm / Belgium (West-Vlaanderen) / Intimacy
by confusedmofo / 07/29/2013 at 2:35am / Indonesia / Love
Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 1:38pm / Slovenia (Ruse Commune) / Miscellaneous
by GiantsFan13 / 07/23/2013 at 10:49am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 5:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by cheated / 07/19/2013 at 1:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by coldstar / 07/18/2013 at 5:06am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML
by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health
by muffin / 07/16/2013 at 8:01am / Austria / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my OCD struck again when I saw a yellow M&M in the tank with blue M&M's. I had to buy 2 kg… Today I went as a chaperone on one of my son's middle school field trips to the beach with the rest… Today, my family and I went on vacation. My father insisted we shouldn't get gas to save time. When…