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Spankmymonkeylol's favorite FMLs
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Work
Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 7:34am / United States / Kids
by sabz21 / 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by brookenicolee29 / 01/26/2014 at 5:06pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML
by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
by me / 05/07/2012 at 4:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by BadIdea / 03/01/2012 at 4:23pm / France / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/29/2012 at 5:07am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by JukeboxValkyrie / 02/16/2012 at 2:52am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 10:59pm / United States (Arkansas) / Health
by Jman6295 / 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by Joe / 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…