Sp4de

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Offline (the 11/28/2014 at 9:57pm)

Sp4de

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 662
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Sp4de : Hey ya'll, Barry here! I'm a hippopotamus located in the Congo. Being as one of the largest semi-aquatic animals, I have a huge diet I must fulfill so I am privileged enough to be able to eat anything and everything. Hobbies include eating, bathing, and spending time with my hippo compadres.

Looking for a hippo girlfriend that isn't a picky eater! Message me for more details, ladies.

Sp4de's page activity

Visits<b>Dogluvr1197</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 2:42pm<b>pinkivy</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 11:34pm<b>bromeister</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 12:46pm<b>beerlaoisawesome</b> - the 04/24/2014 at 11:29am<b>unsocialtowel</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 10:37pm<b>julesvasquez</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 5:46pm<b>yoursucklives</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 11:34am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 11:35pm<b>nelson_92</b> - the 04/16/2014 at 12:12am<b>Cherryta</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 11:08am<b>Lilybreeze</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 3:23pm<b>ChenEighty</b> - the 04/01/2014 at 10:06am<b>tadienae</b> - the 04/01/2014 at 1:28am<b>whatwhatindayeah</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 3:08am<b>feeshcake</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 1:00am<b>alllisonnn</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 8:24pm<b>Rawr6591</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 10:54pm<b>Garrett2818</b> - the 02/20/2014 at 1:15pm

Sp4de's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of Sp4de's badges

Sp4de's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

by wowzer / 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm / Puerto Rico / Love

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

by oh shit / 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML

by NosChersVoisins / 07/01/2014 at 12:55am / France (Aquitaine) / Love

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I start to panic. My teacher suggests I say whatever pops into my head. I blurt out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

by LeChameauTrisomique / 03/14/2014 at 12:33am / France (Centre) / Work

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

by crap / 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML

by ZombiexIce / 02/09/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was quite drunk so I decided to take a piss kneeling down, so I wouldn't miss. I dropped the toilet seat on my little soldier. FML

by Cian_1 / 11/25/2013 at 6:22am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

by BioChickthcfy / 11/13/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML

by maddie / 11/06/2013 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals

Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

by zzfreakshow / 10/14/2013 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2013 at 3:09am / China (Shanghai) / Money

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm / United States / Animals

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot whispering "jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

by lala7 / 08/20/2011 at 7:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

by sickkid / 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy