About Soviet_American : I'm a Marine. I do mixed martial arts (MMA), I play baseball and hockey, and I like to watch sports. Fishing and hunting are other things I like to do. Oh yeah, I do parquor/free running.
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Soviet_American's favorite FMLs
by wrock84 / 05/07/2016 at 9:50pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, while out for a jog, I noticed that you never know how fast you run until you're being followed by someone in a car you don't know, and they're continuously honking at you. I later found out it my dad in his new car. FML
by CROCKIN5150 / 03/14/2016 at 12:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I spent the day sobbing in my bedroom and talking shit about him on Facebook after blocking him. He ended up changing his mind and calling me, asking me to take him back. Now I have to awkwardly explain to everyone that we're back together. FML
by chiara / 08/26/2015 at 6:25am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Love
Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML
by MyBallsForSaleOnEbay / 08/21/2015 at 11:25am / Malta / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/16/2015 at 11:22am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 08/15/2015 at 5:32am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
by hfs palm / 06/21/2015 at 5:37pm / United States / Kids
Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML
by Anonymous / 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids
Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm / Australia / Intimacy
by JillianJuneBug / 05/16/2015 at 12:16pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML
by Basically_ / 05/11/2015 at 5:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by anonymousyo / 04/24/2015 at 6:04pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML
by 21ShitCleaner / 04/21/2015 at 8:51am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML
by me / 04/19/2015 at 9:46pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/19/2015 at 11:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, the babysitter informed me that she "couldn't" change my two-year-old's diaper today because… Today, due to an issue at work, 2000+ emails were sent to a dummy email account, not real people.… Today, after waiting weeks to hear back from his insurance agency, I got a call telling me that the…