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Somber

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Somber
  • Town/Country : Canada
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 15045
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Somber's favorite FMLs

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

#948871
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92330) - you deserved it (21263)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by anonymiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML

#922187
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47177) - you deserved it (9288)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:00am - misc - by taptheturtle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, "I really like your eyes. They're pretty." He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face." FML

#901241
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48211) - you deserved it (3385)

On 04/10/2009 at 1:13pm - love - by ruvru - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was fooling around with someone I had met at a club, in my room. It got really heated, and I was really getting into this guy, until he lifts up my leg and asks "Can I lick your leg?" FML

#898181
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49944) - you deserved it (20266)

On 04/10/2009 at 5:43am - intimacy - by cherry (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

#896114
405 comments

I agree, your life sucks (201267) - you deserved it (19790)

On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)

Today, I told my ex boyfriend I lost 20 lbs because of the stress of the break up. His response was "you're welcome." FML

#889567
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45870) - you deserved it (23323)

On 04/09/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by blutownie13 - United States

Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML

#877965
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58759) - you deserved it (8848)

On 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by eun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

#869850
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34990) - you deserved it (87238)

On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

#849037
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53502) - you deserved it (8645)

On 04/07/2009 at 3:08am - love - by no_leather_of_any_kind - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
907 comments

I agree, your life sucks (329023) - you deserved it (35701)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

#300638
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30245) - you deserved it (63570)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by DanniRae (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49036) - you deserved it (93059)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21822) - you deserved it (71782)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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