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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime of my car. I decided to take it to get a wash. I pulled up, put my vehicle in neutral, and kicked back as it slowly started to move. You never realize how long it takes a sun roof to close until water is dumping on your head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10404) - you deserved it (42490)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (140877) - you deserved it (32151)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML
I agree, your life sucks (48127) - you deserved it (15117)
On 04/30/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Em (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (89026) - you deserved it (14378)
On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (123043) - you deserved it (8042)
On 04/29/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by fingerfuckd (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8592) - you deserved it (78446)
On 04/28/2009 at 10:08am - health - by david - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (48035) - you deserved it (8299)
On 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by theatreismylife (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69907) - you deserved it (3191)
On 04/26/2009 at 8:35am - love - by shawty_x (woman) - United Kingdom (Hartlepool)
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (74255) - you deserved it (4906)
On 04/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by calliefml (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36754) - you deserved it (4750)
On 04/23/2009 at 11:53pm - misc - by NoFightResponse (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (79760) - you deserved it (12415)
On 04/22/2009 at 5:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was OK until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he whipped out 5 yoyos and did a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53445) - you deserved it (5551)
On 04/22/2009 at 1:24am - misc - by 11321 (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54280) - you deserved it (2206)
On 04/21/2009 at 11:11am - work - by laxguy23 (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48570) - you deserved it (2367)
On 04/19/2009 at 7:07pm - work - by guessimdead (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85686) - you deserved it (10681)
On 04/16/2009 at 4:40am - intimacy - by sad_gay (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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