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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9345) - you deserved it (42177)
On 05/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by Clueless (woman) - United States
Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9907) - you deserved it (34827)
On 05/22/2009 at 8:12pm - misc - by erin3809483 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML
I agree, your life sucks (65422) - you deserved it (3124)
On 05/18/2009 at 11:29pm - love - by KarlwithaK (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
I agree, your life sucks (62367) - you deserved it (2192)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by emoney (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (142299) - you deserved it (32746)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying 'I'm good' or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53232) - you deserved it (21689)
On 05/16/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by UncleRory (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22145) - you deserved it (59383)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50326) - you deserved it (12065)
On 05/12/2009 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my fiancé proposed to me at the movies. The movie stopped in the middle, and my fiancé stands up, takes out a microphone and announces to the entire theatre that he loves me. Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", and throws a cup of coke at my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64216) - you deserved it (10298)
On 05/10/2009 at 11:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49106) - you deserved it (8234)
On 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by jojo (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7961) - you deserved it (73746)
On 05/06/2009 at 7:36am - love - by gymbob (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56424) - you deserved it (6608)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)
Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46202) - you deserved it (6829)
On 05/05/2009 at 2:21am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39745) - you deserved it (2482)
On 05/05/2009 at 2:11am - work - by kekumbas (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (107362) - you deserved it (5383)
On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 17 June 2013
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