About Smoked_Bacon : Hello, I'm Alice.
I play guitar, bass, ukulele, piano and drums. I like The Who, The Beatles, Sleeping With Sirens, Pierce The Veil and other bands like that. My favourite band is Blink-182.
I love DC and Marvel. My favourite film is Back To The Future.
I have a cat called Tarzan and a bearded dragon called Zukie. My favourite animals are sloths
When I'm older I'd like to be either a herpetologist or teach zoology.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (142868) - you deserved it (25206)
On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (193738) - you deserved it (21251)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, was my first serious photoshoot as a male model for a high-end clothing line. It was a nude photoshoot, with kind of an Adam and Eve theme. After the first couple of pictures with the extremly sexy female model, I got a boner. There were still 100 shots left to go. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44366) - you deserved it (16241)
On 03/21/2009 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by Bden (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43151) - you deserved it (492610)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boss came back from a 2 week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone. But the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56624) - you deserved it (444)
On 03/20/2009 at 4:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24399) - you deserved it (94080)
On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64963) - you deserved it (10580)
On 03/18/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Jaxter (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64963) - you deserved it (10580)
On 03/18/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Jaxter (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64963) - you deserved it (10580)
On 03/18/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Jaxter (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58459) - you deserved it (40991)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whatdoyoudo (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67254) - you deserved it (32722)
On 03/15/2009 at 12:45am - intimacy - by 12incher (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8596) - you deserved it (58646)
On 03/13/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (111406) - you deserved it (14770)
On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (111406) - you deserved it (14770)
On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (111406) - you deserved it (14770)
On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 17 June 2013
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