About Smoked_Bacon : Hello, I'm Alice.
I play guitar, bass, ukulele, piano and drums. I like The Who, The Beatles, Sleeping With Sirens, Pierce The Veil and other bands like that. My favourite band is Blink-182.
I love DC and Marvel. My favourite film is Back To The Future.
I have a cat called Tarzan and a bearded dragon called Zukie. My favourite animals are sloths
When I'm older I'd like to be either a herpetologist or teach zoology.
About Smoked_Bacon : Hello, I'm Alice.
Smoked_Bacon's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Smoked_Bacon's favorite FMLs
by Facepalmum / 01/10/2013 at 1:28am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2012 at 2:05pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2012 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 10:55am / United States (New York) / Animals
by MiscHats / 12/14/2012 at 7:28am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation
by Money-money-money / 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm / France / Money
Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
by nekkidness / 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by wow babe / 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/13/2012 at 6:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids
by Kirby / 11/06/2011 at 11:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
by DrakeScott / 11/02/2011 at 2:14pm / United States (Maine) / Love
by steve-o / 11/02/2011 at 1:06am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
- Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping… Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I… Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me…
- Today, after having just got my car back from the mechanic I got stuck on the side of the freeway… Today, I was texting my girlfriend. I went to reply to her message and somehow accidentally deleted… Today, I was looking forward to swimming for the entire day. As soon as I finally got in the water,…