About SmittyJA24 : Retired football player; now I play golf, smoke cigars, drink fine whisky, skinny-dip in the Caribbean and enjoy life.
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SmittyJA24's favorite FMLs
by sunflowers2k / 12/09/2016 at 10:27pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation
Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML
by Natsert99 / 12/08/2016 at 9:02am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by CloroxDoggo / 11/23/2016 at 7:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my class and I were discussing our country's relationship with other countries. One person stated that the French have never done anything for us. A classmate took that moment to chime in and ask, "I thought the French gave us that giant statue of the Mona Lisa?" He was dead serious. FML
by crazymentalblond / 11/17/2016 at 6:47am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML
by anonymous / 11/10/2016 at 9:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML
by daughter in law / 11/08/2016 at 1:05am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I visited my Aunt in hospital. Another patient got jealous, so she threw a tantrum. She threw things at us, pulled her drip out, threw herself to the floor, screamed, pounded the floor with her fists and pissed herself. My aunt is still waiting for a new room, and the staff blame me. FML
by ANON / 09/21/2016 at 10:09am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
Today, whilst in a dressing room trying on some new clothes, I experienced the sheer terror of having someone fling a pair of dirty panties over the stall wall only to make off with some stolen ones, whilst you're still standing there in shock staring at another woman's dirty underwear. FML
by grossed out / 09/21/2016 at 5:21am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by polkadotpinup / 09/16/2016 at 1:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML
by hahatofunny / 09/13/2016 at 3:54pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/12/2016 at 10:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Lonile13 / 09/06/2016 at 11:28pm / Philippines / Intimacy
Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML
by KayIsKiwi99 / 08/29/2016 at 3:00pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by Emmereen / 08/22/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous