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Offline (the 09/26/2014 at 4:30am) | Search for a member
About Smartdumbblonde : Hey stalker! ;D I am a blue eyed, (natural) blonde, who likes to talk. A lot. I like singing, acting, and writing, and stuff like that. I am a pretty outgoing, outspoken, and open person. I'm not afraid to be honest, sometimes I come across as a bitch, but I am a really nice person. My kik is i_lovePierceTheVeil if you wanna talk, or you can message me, I just won't reply back as quickly. I have Instagram ( bringmethe_tacos__andbands_ ) so if you wanna you can look at it and maybe follow me. I love the bands PTV, SWS, ADTR, BVB, Hollywood Undead, OM&M, BMTH and more bands similar to them, but I generally like all kinds of music and open to new types of music. Pip pip ta do da lee do run along now and remember Cockadoodledo the cow says moo and that is all.
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Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML
Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML
Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML
Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
Friday 26 September 2014