Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Sleepwalker

Search for a member

Sleepwalker
  • Town/Country : Kumanovo, Macedonia
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 3 June 1991 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 14242
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Sleepwalker : I am all the days that you choose to ignore.

Sleepwalker's last visitors

zeriously95notachinesewomaninfinitegracemagicalskittlezApexReaper

Sleepwalker's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Sleepwalker's favorite FMLs

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

#1382761
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86383) - you deserved it (20776)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by hjgjh - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

#1372393
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53055) - you deserved it (10426)

On 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by theatreismylife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, me and my boyfriend shared a quick kiss. A young teacher walks by and tells us to stop due to Personal Display of Affection rules at our school. She then looks at my boyfriend and tells him he could do so much better. FML

#1328143
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58278) - you deserved it (5343)

On 04/25/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

#1312643
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54572) - you deserved it (12382)

On 04/25/2009 at 2:39am - work - by CollegeGrad (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

#1308807
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20762) - you deserved it (56707)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML

#1297315
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58310) - you deserved it (7984)

On 04/24/2009 at 6:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

#1296374
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58153) - you deserved it (3048)

On 04/24/2009 at 6:23pm - health - by whatthehell (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML

#1292043
386 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65463) - you deserved it (6853)

On 04/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

#1289647
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40192) - you deserved it (33964)

On 04/24/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by vinniesuckmadack (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

#1250715
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16044) - you deserved it (83507)

On 04/23/2009 at 7:42am - intimacy - by waitforit (man) - United States (California)

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

#1250407
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51527) - you deserved it (9859)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

#1249093
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10202) - you deserved it (55682)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by edhalen (man) - United States

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

#1246949
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20893) - you deserved it (80261)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:44am - health - by tgstreaks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

#1230911
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86588) - you deserved it (15929)

On 04/22/2009 at 5:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: