Sleepwalker418

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Sleepwalker418

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 24 December 1993 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7091
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Sleepwalker418 : :] Hi!

I'm not going to do the typical teenage thing and post my picture up and tYpe lYk ThiZ.

I'm just gonna chill, ya' dig?

Sleepwalker418's page activity

Visits<b>gary3768</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 8:42pm<b>sarah1024</b> - the 02/07/2013 at 10:24pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:08pm<b></b> - the 03/09/2011 at 10:23pm<b>DrDoofenshmirtz</b> - the 11/12/2010 at 8:56pm<b>JustSoLost</b> - the 09/02/2009 at 7:34pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 08/25/2009 at 8:04pm<b>moonlight_daze</b> - the 08/21/2009 at 10:21pm<b>prplr</b> - the 08/21/2009 at 4:31pm<b>rsjones</b> - the 08/19/2009 at 9:09pm<b>Failzoid</b> - the 07/27/2009 at 11:31am<b>Rosalind</b> - the 07/23/2009 at 10:01pm<b>voxt</b> - the 06/29/2009 at 7:20pm<b>AnnieLennox1954</b> - the 06/21/2009 at 5:58pm<b>Lizzy86</b> - the 06/19/2009 at 1:17pm<b>misssweetie</b> - the 06/11/2009 at 7:42pm<b>THC</b> - the 06/08/2009 at 10:12pm<b>donnieandalicia</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 9:49pm

Sleepwalker418's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Sleepwalker418's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

by OfCourse / 06/27/2009 at 1:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

by notinflammable / 06/27/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again. After I told him, he looks up and yells: "fuck this shit!" and walks out of the room. My son is nine years old. FML

by poormom / 06/27/2009 at 12:05am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

by BadBribe / 06/24/2009 at 3:15pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML

by meantowheels / 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2009 at 12:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

by Dirtyswede / 06/17/2009 at 10:57am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

by Dirtyswede / 06/17/2009 at 10:57am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2009 at 2:39am / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

by Shoes / 06/12/2009 at 1:33am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML

by dontevenassk / 06/12/2009 at 12:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

by NoBalls / 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML

by quadropheniac / 06/09/2009 at 12:18pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

by SleepyKirsty / 06/09/2009 at 9:36am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy