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SkullFracture's favorite FMLs
Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML
by molliciousj / 02/19/2014 at 12:09am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by neighbor / 01/26/2014 at 8:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
by Dick the Greater / 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm / Intimacy
Today, it hit me that I'm incredibly pathetic, when at the age of 21, I tucked my stuffed animals into bed with me, facing in different directions so they could keep watch for monsters while I slept. FML
by SaveMeTeddy / 10/16/2013 at 2:48pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by mustabeendrugs / 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
by not getting laid / 10/13/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML
by Allycat / 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML
by british_babe / 10/05/2013 at 1:51pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by pancakelicious / 10/04/2013 at 7:16am / New Zealand / Intimacy
by EconM / 10/03/2013 at 11:38am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I finally handed my girlfriend a portrait of her. I'm not the best drawer, but I spent weeks on it and I thought it turned out pretty good. When she looked at it, she asked what kind of dog was it. FML
by Laserbeaver / 09/29/2013 at 9:00am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Kit / 09/16/2013 at 7:09am / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love
Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy
Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
by dear god help me. / 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work
by NoNotCats =^._.^= / 09/03/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Arizona) / Health
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of… Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture…