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SiriusOrionBlack

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SiriusOrionBlack

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2357
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

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SiriusOrionBlack's page activity

Visits<b>YoloTillIDie</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 10:45pm<b>boricualuv</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 7:19pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 02/05/2014 at 6:51pm

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SiriusOrionBlack's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37320) - you deserved it (6178)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35285) - you deserved it (11541)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML

#21177954
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43284) - you deserved it (2974)

On 06/17/2014 at 11:28am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, a customer came into our store and asked if we sold "child sized coffins". This isn't even the weirdest question I've been asked. FML

#21140459
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39383) - you deserved it (4225)

On 05/15/2014 at 8:02am - work - by iworkatofficedepothomes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

#21089223
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33837) - you deserved it (4938)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by Bandking (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

#21059009
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31680) - you deserved it (47863)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

#21058111
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48038) - you deserved it (5506)

On 02/12/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stuck - United States (Georgia)

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

#21051355
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42167) - you deserved it (21908)

On 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Evolution mama (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML

#21016256
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45816) - you deserved it (3950)

On 01/04/2014 at 2:21am - animals - by That Girl with the Amazon Parrot - United States

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

#21015899
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42906) - you deserved it (8091) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46087) - you deserved it (3640)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

#21008430
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41076) - you deserved it (9740)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

#20985281
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54871) - you deserved it (3072)

On 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm - kids - by OakStake (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML



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