About SirPlagueRat : I spiked the tea.
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SirPlagueRat's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy
by jumbledgirl / 01/10/2012 at 12:25am / United States / Work
by annoying / 01/09/2012 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by jku / 01/02/2012 at 8:18am / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML
by Anonymous / 12/29/2011 at 10:07pm / China / Miscellaneous
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 6:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Joe / 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Vince / 12/09/2011 at 2:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
by Dani / 11/28/2011 at 7:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by religionbites621 / 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
by ughh / 11/22/2011 at 8:22am / United States / Health
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by Yeoman / 11/19/2011 at 2:47am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Love
by OUCH. / 11/17/2011 at 4:27pm / United States / Health
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…