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About SirPlagueRat : I spiked the tea.
Fingerprints everywhere
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21582) - you deserved it (3392)
On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States
Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6726) - you deserved it (624)
On 01/10/2012 at 12:25am - work - by jumbledgirl (woman) - United States
Today, I bought a key finder that responds to loud, high-pitched, annoying tones. It beeps every time I talk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3513) - you deserved it (5001)
On 01/09/2012 at 8:30pm - misc - by annoying (woman) - United States
Today, my older brother burst into my bedroom at 4 am to show me photos of sushi. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20127) - you deserved it (1906)
On 01/02/2012 at 8:18am - misc - by jku (man) - United States (Montana)
Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7298) - you deserved it (25478)
On 12/29/2011 at 10:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - China
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37641) - you deserved it (5375)
On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14658) - you deserved it (1062)
On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10548) - you deserved it (806)
On 12/09/2011 at 2:38pm - love - by Vince (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8947) - you deserved it (2547)
Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24480) - you deserved it (2074)
On 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by religionbites621 - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21969) - you deserved it (3734)
On 11/22/2011 at 8:22am - health - by ughh (woman) - United States
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25680) - you deserved it (4178)
On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my mother looked me dead in the face and said, "I have failed as a parent." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10869) - you deserved it (2018)
On 11/19/2011 at 2:47am - love - by Yeoman (man) - New Zealand (Waikato)
Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11825) - you deserved it (972)
On 11/17/2011 at 4:27pm - health - by OUCH. - United States
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21325) - you deserved it (4803)
On 10/25/2011 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by beccav23 - United States (Texas)
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