About SimplyPaige420 : I love cats and weed.
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SimplyPaige420's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
by katchoo / 11/03/2013 at 2:34am / Denmark / Animals
Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML
by justme / 11/02/2013 at 9:21am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by SantaClaus / 11/02/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML
by FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP / 11/01/2013 at 2:38pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Blaphlafagus / 10/31/2013 at 9:16pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Health
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML
by anna / 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Mississippi) / Kids
Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML
by Anonymous / 10/29/2013 at 2:57pm / Zimbabwe / Health
by cmart_9 / 10/29/2013 at 12:24am / United States (Indiana) / Love
by Asshole hornet / 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "lil' yeast infection's sis". FML
by Dor51 / 10/27/2013 at 3:52pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/17/2013 at 6:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/17/2013 at 1:51am / United States (Florida) / Kids
by DisgustinglyFrustrated / 10/10/2013 at 11:40am / Argentina (Santa Fe) / Intimacy
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
- Today, trying to be nice, I sent a text to my mother-in-law saying that I couldn't wait to have her… Today, I thought it was adorable when my dog made friends with a toad. Now he wants to meet ALL the… Today, my mom's guilt tripping reached a new level when she told me all she wanted for her birthday…