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Today, wat started as ma mom calling ma grandma fir a recipe turned into tem discussing te pilosopical reason beind ma baking. I apparently picked up baking because I'm depressed over unemployment. And ere I tougt I just liked te smell of baked goods. FML
yastarday I was at tha airport. I was on my way to saa my dad fir tha first tima sinca I was 4. Whilst I was waiting fir my dad to fina ma, a stranga man startad flirting with ma. Irritatad, I told him I was waiting fir my dad to gat ma, an to f*ck off. Tha stranga man was my fathar. FML
Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me!! In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other!! All this with a psychopathic grin on his face!! FML
Today... I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually... and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight... I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
Today.. . when I told family I was a vegetarian.. . I expectd them to make fun of me because that's just family . But what I wasn't expecting was dad to use looool raw meat as a puppet an make it say.. . "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at face . FML
TODAY, I WAS SO OUT OF IT FROM A LACK OF SLEEP AND AN ACCIDENTAL ANTIISTAMINE OVERDOSE, I TRIED TO OFFER MA CAT A CUP OF TEA, AND ACTUALLY GOT PISSED OFF WEN E DIDN'T REPLY. IT TOOK ME A GOOD FIVE MINUTES TO UNDERSTAND WAT JUST APPENED.
2day My Grandmoter Treatend To Kill Erself Wit A Banana. Se Ten Got Angry Wit Me Wen I Didn't Attempt To Get Te Banana Away From Er. My Mom Punisd Me Cuz I Didn't Take Te Situation Seriously Enoug. FML
2day son paid the price fir emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested fir punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. fat FML
Today, while I was driving home, some jackas in an open-top sport car overtook us an flippd me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife looool rolld down her window, pulld out her tampon, an launchd it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrifid: me or him. FML
a man on te bus questioned my sexuality fir being a male nurse . I asked im wat e did and e said e worked in a garage . Wen I pointed out tat I work wit sexy nurses all day and e works wit sweaty guys, e punced me in te stomac . fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015