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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was playing Xbox live with my boyfriend. I was bored so I decided to mess around. So I put down my remote and unbuttoned his pants. Two minutes in he said, "Hurry up, we're getting killed without you. Besides you're way better at video games." FML
I agree, your life sucks (59981) - you deserved it (8271)
On 03/21/2009 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (255594) - you deserved it (35238)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I got a call from the hospital that my fiancé was in the ER. When I arrived at the hospital they told me that he had a heart attack while making love. FML
I agree, your life sucks (212886) - you deserved it (7930)
On 03/19/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by jmoney (woman) - United States
Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32427) - you deserved it (68653)
On 03/18/2009 at 1:22am - intimacy - by myennechee (woman) - Germany (Hamburg)
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26272) - you deserved it (67717)
On 03/17/2009 at 11:15pm - intimacy - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (82864) - you deserved it (35686)
On 03/17/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by MrAwsum (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
I agree, your life sucks (106295) - you deserved it (27039)
On 03/17/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML
I agree, your life sucks (12994) - you deserved it (51486)
On 03/10/2009 at 11:46am - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (372991) - you deserved it (413056)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24886) - you deserved it (64062)
On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10772) - you deserved it (49281)
On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)
Today, I slept over at a friend's house. We decided to dress up as ninjas and play a trick on her younger brothers, sleeping in the basement. While sneaking down the stairs, in the dark, her mother came home. Thinking I was a robber, she beat me with a lamp. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16444) - you deserved it (30154)
On 02/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by RosaP (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14312) - you deserved it (47782)
On 02/26/2009 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by FMluck (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10660) - you deserved it (52730)
On 02/25/2009 at 1:41pm - work - by foolishgirl (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was interviewing a cute guy for my journalism class, and he asked to borrow my laptop to check his email quickly. After the interview, I realized that the last thing I had searched for on my browser's Google box was "ingrown pubic hairs," and it was still up there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13647) - you deserved it (24797)
On 02/23/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by loserface (woman) - United States (Illinois)
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