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ShivaHi5's favorite FMLs
by LA / 02/16/2009 at 8:31pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by dammit_ / 02/16/2009 at 2:36am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML
by nana. / 02/15/2009 at 10:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by gregoyles / 02/15/2009 at 4:06am / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
by The Sbeak / 02/13/2009 at 10:54am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, I met a guy who said he thinks he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheats on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML
by imwrong / 02/10/2009 at 6:59am / Philippines (Rizal) / Miscellaneous
by maxthndr / 02/10/2009 at 12:36am / United States / Work
by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML
by hahahehehohohoo / 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm / United States (California) / Love
by caroline / 02/06/2009 at 10:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML
by Foot In Mouth / 02/05/2009 at 5:56pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML
by rexob / 02/04/2009 at 10:51am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by parishiltonsbff / 02/03/2009 at 7:11pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML
by Noname / 02/03/2009 at 2:57pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML
by jf29 / 01/30/2009 at 7:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals
- Today, I was outed. I'm 43 years old and have been in the closet since I realized I was gay in the… Today, I finally finished the short story that is my last assignment of high school! I also found a… Today, I was hunting. Someone else was hunting too. I found this out when a stray bullet struck my…