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ShelboLovesNaldo

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ShelboLovesNaldo
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

#12782393
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27464) - you deserved it (2858)

On 08/28/2010 at 2:07am - misc - by SeagullsShouldDie - United States

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

#12752465
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7465) - you deserved it (59053)

On 08/26/2010 at 6:09am - intimacy - by fmylife (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML

#12751809
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28422) - you deserved it (10546)

On 08/26/2010 at 4:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

#12714961
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26457) - you deserved it (9744)

On 08/24/2010 at 2:17am - intimacy - by chewybarseventy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

#12706855
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13661) - you deserved it (36640)

On 08/23/2010 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by Ahook1 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

#12694516
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30037) - you deserved it (20370)

On 08/23/2010 at 1:05am - intimacy - by diesel444 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

#12694516
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30037) - you deserved it (20370)

On 08/23/2010 at 1:05am - intimacy - by diesel444 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

#12679955
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42298) - you deserved it (5361)

On 08/22/2010 at 8:14am - intimacy - by shawty - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

#12673402
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36538) - you deserved it (5582)

On 08/21/2010 at 11:32pm - intimacy - by jessiegirl - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44024) - you deserved it (14244)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML

#12655569
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25360) - you deserved it (6602)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:13am - intimacy - by carwife - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML

#12626936
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7471) - you deserved it (59863)

On 08/19/2010 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by captainocd - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

#12612003
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28317) - you deserved it (7783)

On 08/18/2010 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by XxMe123xx - Sent from mobile version

Today, I put on my new sexy lingerie to get my husband in the mood after work. When I walked into the kitchen where he was reading the newspaper, he eyed me and simply said, "Honey, please, your stomach is the biggest turnoff ever." FML

#12598629
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42348) - you deserved it (12467)

On 08/18/2010 at 2:23am - intimacy - by ...thanks honey - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

#12595665
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29138) - you deserved it (15647)

On 08/18/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Photagrapher - Sent from mobile version



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