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Shawnlee123's favorite FMLs
Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML
Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML
by carson28 / 12/16/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML
by katybaby / 12/09/2010 at 12:15pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
by vikinggirl / 09/13/2010 at 5:14am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML
by Cat / 06/13/2010 at 10:36am / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/04/2010 at 3:29am / United States (Arizona) / Love
by chanclepants / 01/27/2010 at 8:35am / Intimacy
by Michelle / 12/27/2009 at 2:13am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went on a blind date. It was going well until I brought up my views on politics. He then told me to shut up because women were incapable of intelligent thought. Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and have sex. FML
by OnlyIfYouLoveMe / 11/23/2009 at 12:12am / United States / Intimacy
by Pwnedofthedead / 10/03/2009 at 11:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
by fearofzombies / 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML
by deadbunnies / 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm / United States (California) / Love
by poormom / 06/27/2009 at 12:05am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long…