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Shawn_Tizzle20

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Shawn_Tizzle20

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  • Number of visits : 595
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Shawn_Tizzle20's favorite FMLs

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

#18336712
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31251) - you deserved it (3274)

On 11/24/2011 at 12:07pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

#18334722
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28192) - you deserved it (3693)

On 11/24/2011 at 5:35am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

#18254436
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12502) - you deserved it (56731)

On 11/15/2011 at 10:16am - kids - by Margo (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

#18251877
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19820) - you deserved it (9707)

On 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm - animals - by MY CAR (man) - United States (California)

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

#18240312
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15296) - you deserved it (29388)

On 11/13/2011 at 7:11pm - misc - by ThatHurts (man) - Canada

Today, my daughter in law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML

#18229715
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27209) - you deserved it (4097)

On 11/12/2011 at 4:42pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

#18216431
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27827) - you deserved it (7322)

On 11/11/2011 at 3:42am - health - by devinchi (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

#18189501
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37256) - you deserved it (7464)

On 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by InstantHardOn (man) - United States

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13572) - you deserved it (34708)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40426) - you deserved it (5219)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

#18034258
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21202) - you deserved it (2455)

On 10/20/2011 at 9:13pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was chatting with a customer who comes regularly to my job. He sticks his hand out and I put my hand on his, thinking he's giving me a high five. He was just waiting for his receipt. FML

#18002643
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13754) - you deserved it (19134)

On 10/16/2011 at 10:50pm - work - by Kate - United States

Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML

#17995977
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26226) - you deserved it (2819)

On 10/16/2011 at 3:06am - misc - by ThanksChris (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML

#17981660
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31418) - you deserved it (2221)

On 10/14/2011 at 10:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

#17918241
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19780) - you deserved it (9973)

On 10/06/2011 at 6:46am - misc - by xoccerplaya - United States (Hawaii)



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