ShadowSwept

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Offline (the 07/02/2015 at 4:51am)

ShadowSwept

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1307
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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ShadowSwept's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Mobility

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ShadowSwept's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

by axwound / 12/27/2009 at 8:04am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

by BathroomMuch / 12/25/2009 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

by Sean / 12/24/2009 at 7:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

by Arachnaphobic / 11/22/2009 at 3:35am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

by Arachnaphobic / 11/22/2009 at 3:35am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

by nycplywood / 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

by anonymous / 11/16/2009 at 1:00am / Japan (Okinawa) / Kids

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

by swedishdude / 11/14/2009 at 8:37am / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

by JohnB / 10/19/2009 at 8:43pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

by PanFace / 10/13/2009 at 2:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML

by NotAParabola / 10/07/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML

by NotAParabola / 10/07/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

by Anon / 10/03/2009 at 7:43am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Love

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

by Ouchies / 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. I ran off the road, taking out a fence and totaling my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded, "My tom-tom told me to turn left." FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2009 at 12:36pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous