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Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59846) - you deserved it (5172)
On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40059) - you deserved it (3032) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27528) - you deserved it (6169)
On 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20118) - you deserved it (6211)
On 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32929) - you deserved it (21127) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, my boyfriend left me for my step-sister. He's been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months, and got her pregnant. I also found out that my stomach pains are due to the fact that I'm also pregnant. My family could officially qualify for Jerry Springer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50633) - you deserved it (6762)
On 12/03/2010 at 3:56am - intimacy - by Annonmyus -
Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13928) - you deserved it (37211)
On 11/21/2010 at 6:43pm - intimacy - by sydysyd (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After about minutes of freaking out and explaining on how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was best thus far. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40468) - you deserved it (13598)
On 11/10/2010 at 5:28am - health - by youreajoker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, a little girl came up to me and asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" I said, "I'm a girl of course!" She walked away, looking dazed and saying, "Whoa." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20542) - you deserved it (4203)
On 10/19/2010 at 5:23pm - misc - by lookslikeaboyapparently (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)
Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31410) - you deserved it (3043)
On 10/06/2010 at 12:32am - misc - by cantstoplaughing (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, at a restaurant, I was joking around trying to make my friend laugh by pretending to be a ninja. I did this by putting my napkin in front of my face. I happened to look over at another table and saw that a lady wearing a burqa was giving me the most evil glare I have ever seen in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18618) - you deserved it (14145)
On 08/27/2010 at 5:46am - misc - by CrushAdrenaline - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He also decided the best way to end our relationship was to kill me and our virtual child on The Sims 3 by setting us on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31164) - you deserved it (5737)
On 08/19/2010 at 1:26am - love - by Single - United States (California)
Today, I was at the grocery store and this hot guy was staring at my ass, so I smiled at him. My mother noticed he was checking my ass out, and she approached him and said "I know she has a big ass, but it's rude to stare, son." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32915) - you deserved it (3697)
On 08/09/2010 at 3:07am - intimacy - by hard - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML
I agree, your life sucks (14774) - you deserved it (40361)
On 05/25/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by laurenraeee - United States (Utah)
Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21388) - you deserved it (2779)
On 05/21/2010 at 1:04am - health - by mrmidi - United States (Oregon)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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