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ShadowSwept

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ShadowSwept

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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 758
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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ShadowSwept's favorite FMLs

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

#18224618
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39123) - you deserved it (7742)

On 11/12/2011 at 12:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML

#17987492
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42526) - you deserved it (3505)

On 10/15/2011 at 3:18am - misc - by Ca13b - United States (Oregon)

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44950) - you deserved it (5041)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

#17973373
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30447) - you deserved it (1917)

On 10/13/2011 at 4:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32860) - you deserved it (9226)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

#17634185
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29860) - you deserved it (4331)

On 09/01/2011 at 6:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34812) - you deserved it (9638)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

#17352313
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40967) - you deserved it (5494)

On 08/03/2011 at 3:40am - love - by Tim - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

#17301663
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33625) - you deserved it (3655)

On 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

#17253046
365 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12342) - you deserved it (56600)

On 07/25/2011 at 11:12am - health - by Smokey9 - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

#17182524
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34190) - you deserved it (7156)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

#17176050
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27517) - you deserved it (6087)

On 07/19/2011 at 11:19am - work - by Bill Harrison - United States

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

#17115448
470 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54715) - you deserved it (9325)

On 07/15/2011 at 12:24am - animals - by flipnazn - United States (Texas)

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

#16932520
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31484) - you deserved it (3511)

On 07/01/2011 at 3:41am - misc - by ugh annoying - United States (Minnesota)



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