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ShadowSwept

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ShadowSwept

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  • Number of visits : 568
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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ShadowSwept's favorite FMLs

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32689) - you deserved it (9205)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

#17634185
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28959) - you deserved it (4244)

On 09/01/2011 at 6:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34329) - you deserved it (9549)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

#17352313
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40642) - you deserved it (5463)

On 08/03/2011 at 3:40am - love - by Tim - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

#17301663
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33469) - you deserved it (3649)

On 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

#17253046
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12302) - you deserved it (56450)

On 07/25/2011 at 11:12am - health - by Smokey9 - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

#17182524
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33524) - you deserved it (7086)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

#17176050
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27112) - you deserved it (6039)

On 07/19/2011 at 11:19am - work - by Bill Harrison - United States

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

#17115448
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54496) - you deserved it (9312)

On 07/15/2011 at 12:24am - animals - by flipnazn - United States (Texas)

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

#16932520
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31301) - you deserved it (3507)

On 07/01/2011 at 3:41am - misc - by ugh annoying - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

#16657656
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13637) - you deserved it (47837)

On 06/14/2011 at 6:04am - misc - by techiefIve (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

#16624894
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11894) - you deserved it (53239)

On 06/12/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by El Stupido - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

#16607799
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36211) - you deserved it (7115)

On 06/11/2011 at 7:12am - kids - by julia - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

#16138835
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11287) - you deserved it (23873)

On 05/12/2011 at 12:41am - animals - by Anonymous -

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

#15896173
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30311) - you deserved it (4152)

On 04/23/2011 at 9:11am - health - by cdn_steed - United States (New York)



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