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ShadowSwept

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ShadowSwept

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 633
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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ShadowSwept's favorite FMLs

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40730) - you deserved it (3866)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML

#19771673
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8264) - you deserved it (29736)

On 06/11/2012 at 4:44pm - health - by Ciara (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML

#19769783
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8138) - you deserved it (40309)

On 06/11/2012 at 8:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

#19769607
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21624) - you deserved it (2739)

On 06/11/2012 at 7:18am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

#19750023
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30423) - you deserved it (4569)

On 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm - health - by LaurenB (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

#19743527
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35689) - you deserved it (5819)

On 06/06/2012 at 10:19am - misc - by Bishop (man) -

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

#19738484
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27339) - you deserved it (3064)

On 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by why... (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

#19734981
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26947) - you deserved it (2824)

On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

#19719129
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35935) - you deserved it (2596)

On 06/02/2012 at 1:43am - misc - by ironyisabitch - United States (California)

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

#19701580
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25367) - you deserved it (1614)

On 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

#19684579
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17114) - you deserved it (2724)

On 05/26/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by Dom - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
474 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47125) - you deserved it (4368)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

#19608060
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19533) - you deserved it (2626)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm - work - by mel (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17351) - you deserved it (29712)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

#19495403
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20850) - you deserved it (5116)

On 04/19/2012 at 12:08pm - misc - by ajnmegs - United States (Colorado)



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