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ShadowSwept's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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ShadowSwept's favorite FMLs
by Geckosrock99 / 08/30/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here, or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML
by calivianya / 08/28/2012 at 12:49am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/25/2012 at 6:54am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Ciara / 06/11/2012 at 4:44pm / Ireland (Cork) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/11/2012 at 8:42am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/11/2012 at 7:18am / United States / Kids
Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML
by LaurenB / 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health
Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML
by Bishop / 06/06/2012 at 10:19am / Transportation
Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
by why... / 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, my boyfriend bought me a gorgeous ring that I fell in love with. As he slid the ring on my… Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He… Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds…