Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

SgtAssCheeks

Offline (the 04/23/2014 at 12:29am) | Search for a member

SgtAssCheeks

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 877
  • Number of comments : 297
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About SgtAssCheeks : Don't lie; you know you've seen this fella in my profile pic somewhere before. ;)

SgtAssCheeks's page activity

Visits<b>Rhett_15</b> - 16 hours ago<b>OneDayDown</b> - yesterday at 7:32pm<b>SystemofaBlink41</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 12:07am<b>slayer447</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 4:01pm<b>fantae</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 1:54pm<b>AllKnowingTurtle</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 1:26pm<b>OptimusVader</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 1:20pm<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 1:19pm<b>Catkam623</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 8:40pm<b>turtles4life</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 3:08am<b>shay_serendipity</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 10:28pm<b>gantoman</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 4:50am<b>Juicenub</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 8:58am<b>superrocket19</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 12:36am<b>billionair11</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 2:03am<b>colby6666</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 2:18pm<b>elvis103</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 10:58am<b>Fallout_NV</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 12:20am

SgtAssCheeks's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of SgtAssCheeks's badges

SgtAssCheeks's favorite FMLs

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

#21171119
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40064) - you deserved it (4268)

On 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm - misc - by ldrik1 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

#21050703
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47356) - you deserved it (4838)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:25pm - love - by BigLove (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

#21050194
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53721) - you deserved it (6634)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:50am - kids - by LadyDeadpool88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

#21020996
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59033) - you deserved it (25693)

On 01/08/2014 at 12:43am - intimacy - by gottacatchemall (woman) - United States

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

#20998821
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38954) - you deserved it (4379)

On 12/20/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by whatjusthappened (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30942) - you deserved it (14699)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

#20940283
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41685) - you deserved it (8753)

On 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm - kids - by anna (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

#20877518
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22183) - you deserved it (67229)

On 09/11/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by lyfisdyno - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48422) - you deserved it (8051) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47826) - you deserved it (3782) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97686) - you deserved it (11330)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

#20773595
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75810) - you deserved it (3691)

On 07/10/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Wtf (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30174) - you deserved it (4336)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML

#20461046
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42065) - you deserved it (7008)

On 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by itsrathersmall (woman) - United States (North Dakota)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: