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Offline (the 10/04/2014 at 11:13pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1838
  • Number of comments : 297
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About SgtAssCheeks : Don't lie; you know you've seen this fella in my profile pic somewhere before. ;)

SgtAssCheeks's page activity

Visits<b>frogger0709</b> - the 12/03/2016 at 10:47pm<b>oopsidoodles</b> - the 11/18/2016 at 9:54am<b>Siriusproblem</b> - the 10/02/2016 at 7:25pm<b>chazic300</b> - the 07/24/2016 at 3:42pm<b>xFiiRe</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 2:13am<b>kenyrabit</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 6:57pm<b>kupokid94</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 2:19pm<b>muarif</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 7:27am<b>SOILEDIT</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 7:15am<b>DeadxManxWalking</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 9:53pm<b>random2212</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 9:56pm<b>Cdwoods</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 11:48pm<b>madi10647</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 11:24pm<b>BDanzeisen</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 12:42pm<b>ExpectNeo</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 5:33pm<b>Bush_Did_711</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 11:12pm<b>M3DO</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 12:12am<b>ChocolateScyther</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 11:40pm

Fucked!<b>HowlingFire</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 10:53pm<b>zacadrien0899</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 9:19am<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 10:20am<b>omarj03</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 4:34am<b>CommentKing207</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 7:03am<b>pauliegon</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 7:56pm<b>AHzulu</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 7:28pm<b>liamk_26</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 7:46am

SgtAssCheeks's FML badges


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SgtAssCheeks's favorite FMLs

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

by ldrik1 / 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

by BigLove / 02/04/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

by LadyDeadpool88 / 02/04/2014 at 9:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

by gottacatchemall / 01/08/2014 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

by whatjusthappened / 12/20/2013 at 3:45am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

by MissYouPieceOfSkin / 11/27/2013 at 3:44am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

by anna / 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Mississippi) / Kids

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

by lyfisdyno / 09/11/2013 at 8:16pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Intimacy

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

by Poly24 / 08/27/2013 at 6:32am / Kids

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2013 at 4:49am / Kids

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2013 at 10:24am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

by OPhere / 04/15/2013 at 3:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

by DogLover / 02/06/2013 at 8:59am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML

by itsrathersmall / 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy