Self_Reliant

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Self_Reliant

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Self_ReliantSelf_Reliant
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 16 April 1986 (30 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1712
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Self_Reliant : Live. Laugh. Love. Learn.

Self_Reliant's page activity

Visits<b>christacat</b> - 10 hours ago<b>cheyluvsturtles</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 2:09pm<b>fuckmeforlife7</b> - the 04/16/2016 at 3:30pm<b>bigwell</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 9:25pm<b>snarkytruth</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 4:57am<b>kire1800</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 12:48pm<b>Cynoblaze</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 3:25am

Fucked!<b>cheyluvsturtles</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 8:09pm

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Self_Reliant's favorite FMLs

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2015 at 3:02pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

by MyBallsForSaleOnEbay / 08/21/2015 at 11:25am / Malta / Kids

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

by NotJobbing / 08/11/2015 at 7:05pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML

by lvegadelgado_6 / 08/10/2015 at 10:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

by funnnyyyyy -_- / 08/01/2015 at 4:29am / Nepal / Animals

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2015 at 12:10am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

by Application / 07/28/2015 at 4:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 weeks showed up at my house at 7 AM. I was about to give him a kiss when he said, "Good morning, is Sarah here?" I was confused until I realized he didn't recognize me because I had no make up on. FML

by sarahxHx / 07/14/2015 at 2:42am / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

by Julianapilikusplatosophophes / 07/10/2015 at 11:49pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, instead of canceling for the third consecutive time due to work-related reasons, my boyfriend sent his twin brother on our date. They both thought I wouldn't notice. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2015 at 4:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I rang up a good friend to ask her to be one of the two bridesmaids at my upcoming wedding. Before I could ask, she let me know that she would not be attending my wedding, as, "Weddings are expensive, so I'm not attending ones for people that are just acquaintances". FML

by NeedMoreFriends / 07/03/2015 at 6:30am / United Kingdom (Wakefield) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

by Waste Someone Else's Time / 06/28/2015 at 1:06am / United States / Love

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

by AdoKitty / 06/10/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (California) / Kids