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Self_Reliant

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Self_Reliant

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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Self_Reliant's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

#21271220
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35675) - you deserved it (3037)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

#21270163
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43296) - you deserved it (3655)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

#21265203
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40934) - you deserved it (4487)

On 09/25/2014 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

#21256842
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45552) - you deserved it (5626)

On 09/12/2014 at 9:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

#21239602
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45599) - you deserved it (5205)

On 08/17/2014 at 6:19am - misc - by AnnoyedWoman (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, I proposed to the love of my life by having the waitress place the ring in her dessert. She ate the whole thing and didn't find the ring. I guess the waitress stole the ring. FML

#21233475
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43207) - you deserved it (5614)

On 08/09/2014 at 7:03pm - love - by jakethemuss - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49255) - you deserved it (21277)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

#21220355
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46701) - you deserved it (3674)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm - misc - by notadoorman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

#21216427
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53161) - you deserved it (4892)

On 07/21/2014 at 3:31pm - love - by badluck - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46282) - you deserved it (8337)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52512) - you deserved it (4615)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, at school, I got seated in front of the resident creepy kid that everyone stayed away from. I was pretty relieved to get through most of the class with no incidents, until the bell rang and he tore out a chunk of my hair, yelling "DNA! DNA!" FML

#21153319
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46545) - you deserved it (3855)

On 05/27/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Laura (woman) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47819) - you deserved it (6596)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I collected my students' final essays. One of them submitted a printout of a screenshot he took with his phone. Too bad a browser address bar was still in the shot, along with a "click to read more" link at the bottom. My students are too dumb and lazy to even plagiarize properly. FML

#21148317
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43584) - you deserved it (4514)

On 05/22/2014 at 12:47pm - work - by What am I doing with my life? - United States (Colorado)



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