Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (17 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Cape Town, South Africa
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 12 November 1980 (35 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 355
  • Number of comments : 68
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Scorpio1691's page activity

Visits<b>Bethaneey</b> - the 11/11/2015 at 2:32am<b>nishimehta</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 7:15am<b>earlytermination</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 9:08am<b>musifer</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 3:22am<b>Mons</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 4:45pm<b>Mezzacarina</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 12:52pm<b>lndala</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 11:34am<b>Gunslingeress</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 1:18pm<b>MidnaLink</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 4:03pm<b>charbel</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 1:50pm<b>kaz55</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 11:46am<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 10:22am<b>Halo_MasterChief</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 9:31am<b>brwneyes</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 8:21am<b>coleycakes_805</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 4:30am<b>hoosierholla</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 10:42am<b>virgochick_922</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 10:10am<b>seninaa</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 9:59am

Fucked!<b>earlytermination</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 3:08pm

Scorpio1691's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.


You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of Scorpio1691's badges

Scorpio1691's favorite FMLs

Today, I got my laptop back after lending it to my friend. It wouldn't boot, and after investigating I found out it'd been stripped of its hard drive and all its memory. When I confronted my "friend", he accused me of lying and trying to ruin his reputation. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25370) - you deserved it (2383)

On 11/13/2015 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his tazer at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tazed him for acting aggressively. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27899) - you deserved it (1567)

On 11/10/2015 at 5:15pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - Czech Republic

Today, I figured out why my 'best friend' hasn't talked to me in weeks. She assumed an FML post she read was about her. It was posted in 2009. I met her last year. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24546) - you deserved it (1563)

On 11/02/2015 at 10:55pm - misc - by likecomeon - United States (Arizona)

Today, I learned that the only way to get my boyfriend to respond to me is through nudes. FML

Today, I had to deal with numerous complaints about an employee washing their genitals in the communal bathroom sink. Nothing in the HR manual prepared me for this. FML

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40940) - you deserved it (4151)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by drugsforthugs - United States (California)

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (37222) - you deserved it (2614)

On 11/17/2014 at 10:10pm - work - by ohgosh... (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. She bitched me out for not getting the ring she had been "hinting" me to get, and angrily left. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39009) - you deserved it (4741)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:50pm - love - by Anonymous - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45406) - you deserved it (3653)

On 11/12/2014 at 12:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Redcar and Cleveland)

Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45229) - you deserved it (4502)

On 11/10/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by SisterOfTard (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52087) - you deserved it (4639)

On 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm - love - by whywouldyoudothat - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend texted me saying, "I have some Durex and want your help" so I rushed to her house. She had meant to say "Dulux". I had to help her paint her bedroom. FML


Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23006) - you deserved it (2338)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34654) - you deserved it (6931)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Céline's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can…

Friday 27 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: