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Schizomaniac

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Schizomaniac

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 9 August 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5638
  • Number of comments : 1331
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Schizomaniac : Hello there.

The picture was taken about a year ago. I change it often. I have hair again.

Schizomaniac's page activity

Visits<b>KimTheInsomniac</b> - yesterday at 5:03am<b>why_teh_hell</b> - yesterday at 11:31pm<b>Vanwestpirate</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 10:40pm<b>nataliewby</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 10:27pm<b>GoldFishPony</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 1:29am<b>ksadhera</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 11:21pm<b>sorryheadphones</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 6:21pm<b>DerpyDerpinator</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 11:20am<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 8:28pm<b>18peanutbutter__</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 11:14pm<b>cba7</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 6:06pm<b>Nina1988</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 3:30pm<b>BigSeedDeed99</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 2:05pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 8:47pm<b>Brandi_Faith</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 2:46pm<b>ptv_96</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 7:44pm<b>gjikvtj</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 12:23pm<b>captaininouille</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 5:34am

Schizomaniac's FML badges

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Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

#20566988
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20346) - you deserved it (51074)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79782) - you deserved it (8242)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41759) - you deserved it (15687)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

#20540752
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33486) - you deserved it (5048)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by ShadowBox (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML

#20535043
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12964) - you deserved it (32015)

On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart and it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

#20477938
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29544) - you deserved it (3897)

On 01/25/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by really?!? - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

#20472658
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26929) - you deserved it (6372)

On 01/22/2013 at 2:20am - work - by frustrated - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

#20465889
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59308) - you deserved it (6832)

On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30161) - you deserved it (14506)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40786) - you deserved it (4256)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19748) - you deserved it (36421)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35742) - you deserved it (6158)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

#20114536
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23966) - you deserved it (5648)

On 10/13/2012 at 2:35am - animals - by afraidtosleep - United States (Texas)

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

#20056763
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8417) - you deserved it (51166)

On 09/04/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Cherrish it - United States (California)



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