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Schizomaniac

Offline (the 06/24/2014 at 4:16pm) | Search for a member

Schizomaniac

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5337
  • Number of comments : 1327
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Schizomaniac : Hello there.

If you're going to send me a message please say more than "hi" or "sup."

Schizomaniac's page activity

Visits<b>kendallfireHD</b> - 10 hours ago<b>qwertsarecool122</b> - yesterday at 12:50am<b>jay_tyrrell</b> - yesterday at 10:17pm<b>Crusher74</b> - yesterday at 9:43am<b>z3r0d4z3</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 2:45am<b>shadowedpixie</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 4:40am<b>youahhstu</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 1:13am<b>thinkaboutit5</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 11:18am<b>angelk19</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 3:23am<b>snorgia</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 12:54am<b>Dawminator</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 12:45am<b>Caylee_G</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 7:48am<b>the_Jessicaaa</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 12:39am<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 4:09pm<b>Garrison21</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 7:25pm<b>Much2Much4U</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 6:38pm<b>VyronBuckingham</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 5:38pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 4:56pm

Schizomaniac's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

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A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

See all of Schizomaniac's badges

Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

#20574865
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33967) - you deserved it (5989)

On 04/04/2013 at 4:07pm - misc - by me (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

#20574621
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51880) - you deserved it (17638)

On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

#20572069
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22194) - you deserved it (65484)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML

#20568650
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34257) - you deserved it (2258)

On 03/31/2013 at 4:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

#20568440
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34292) - you deserved it (6292)

On 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm - love - by immaturity all around (woman) - United States

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

#20566988
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20081) - you deserved it (50709)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79520) - you deserved it (8229)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41695) - you deserved it (15668)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

#20540752
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33418) - you deserved it (5045)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by ShadowBox (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML

#20535043
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12933) - you deserved it (31977)

On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart and it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

#20477938
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29296) - you deserved it (3876)

On 01/25/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by really?!? - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

#20472658
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26857) - you deserved it (6370)

On 01/22/2013 at 2:20am - work - by frustrated - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

#20465889
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59003) - you deserved it (6792)

On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30087) - you deserved it (14486)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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