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Schizomaniac

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Schizomaniac
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4603
  • Number of comments : 1286
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Schizomaniac : Hello there.

The picture is about 3 years old.

Schizomaniac's last visitors

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Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

#20465889
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49994) - you deserved it (4547)

On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29083) - you deserved it (14149)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38319) - you deserved it (4050)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18287) - you deserved it (34133)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29804) - you deserved it (5469)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

#20114536
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20743) - you deserved it (5153)

On 10/13/2012 at 2:35am - animals - by afraidtosleep - United States (Texas)

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

#20056763
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7884) - you deserved it (49127)

On 09/04/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Cherrish it - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

#20019911
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22434) - you deserved it (3718)

On 08/14/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

#19249399
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20719) - you deserved it (17834)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)

Today, my new roommate told me he was bisexual. A little concerned, I opened up and told him that made me uncomfortable. His reply: "Oh don't worry, I'm only attracted to good looking guys." FML

#19232371
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10639) - you deserved it (40813)

On 03/07/2012 at 9:01am - misc - by Leland - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

#19222956
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23686) - you deserved it (7492)

On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States

Today, I learned that lemonade and urine look very similar to one another. I also learned that they taste very different. FML

#19183554
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11656) - you deserved it (14157)

On 02/28/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by iVaughtTV - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to stop measuring his penis during our conversation. FML

#19173399
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22468) - you deserved it (3477)

On 02/27/2012 at 6:06am - intimacy - by facepalm (woman) - United States

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

#19076647
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22291) - you deserved it (2339)

On 02/14/2012 at 5:29pm - kids - by ShylaMarie - Canada

Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML

#19033928
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35114) - you deserved it (1801)

On 02/09/2012 at 12:28pm - health - by Ouchies - United States (Colorado)



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