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Schizomaniac

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Schizomaniac

36Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 9 August 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7356
  • Number of comments : 1345
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Schizomaniac : Why can't a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?

Schizomaniac's page activity

Visits<b>seetei</b> - 12 hours ago<b>theRoyalWife</b> - 15 hours ago<b>judogirlmackie</b> - 16 hours ago<b>nissanleaf</b> - 22 hours ago<b>psychedelicdezzy</b> - 22 hours ago<b>TPH1979</b> - yesterday at 4:45pm<b>musifer</b> - yesterday at 3:19am<b>MatthewDemirjian</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 1:47pm<b>salii321</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 10:51am<b>mimi_tenten</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 9:50am<b>missblue97</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 4:30am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 2:35am<b>desijatt</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 11:06pm<b>tjw1616</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 7:39pm<b>C7</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 7:38pm<b>musicluvr1992</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 7:15pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 5:30pm<b>fmypatheticlife</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 4:29pm

Fucked!<b>nissanleaf</b> - 16 hours ago<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 8:35am<b>arabian22</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 8:09pm<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:34am<b>queensassygoat</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 4:15am<b>dmo4</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:34pm<b>cariboucontainer</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:22pm<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:17pm<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 2:33pm<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 4:06pm<b>KayDee29</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 9:54am<b>BlackFames</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 6:44am<b>JCX2</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 6:27am<b>chaseafterwind82</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 6:14am<b>booterus</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 5:24am<b>SuperDani</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 4:50am<b>vikky538</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 4:33am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 9:35pm

Schizomaniac's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Schizomaniac's badges

Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57594) - you deserved it (12912)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

#20873553
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38829) - you deserved it (9175)

On 09/08/2013 at 9:42pm - animals - by sillydoggy - United States

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

#20863540
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44998) - you deserved it (3244)

On 09/01/2013 at 7:06pm - misc - by WaltTheFuckDad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55256) - you deserved it (3350)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

#20824961
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50766) - you deserved it (24495)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

#20823157
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54354) - you deserved it (18267)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:07am - work - by offuckingcourse - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML

#20796032
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60606) - you deserved it (4401)

On 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm - misc - by notenoughunderwearintheworld (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I was playing solitaire when an achievement popped up on my phone. "You have just completed your 1000th game of solitaire!" Never felt so alone in my life. FML

#20793723
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45913) - you deserved it (7640)

On 07/20/2013 at 4:14am - misc - by solitaire - United States (Washington)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52774) - you deserved it (6665)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62470) - you deserved it (11729)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

#20756642
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53042) - you deserved it (8656)

On 06/30/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by Acidic Donut - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

#20742827
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49116) - you deserved it (4665)

On 06/23/2013 at 3:19pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

#20688904
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53259) - you deserved it (24593)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

#20688045
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46394) - you deserved it (7882)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)



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