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Schizomaniac

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Schizomaniac

17Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 9 August 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7107
  • Number of comments : 1336
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Schizomaniac : Hello there.

Schizomaniac's page activity

Visits<b>WCARlover</b> - 9 hours ago<b>buckstop1</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 3:47pm<b>annielies</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 2:55pm<b>boricualuv</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 11:46pm<b>Token1012</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 4:43pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:26am<b>swaglesshipster</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 2:07am<b>nana_star</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 5:10pm<b>TheJasonLi</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 9:46pm<b>hotJUICEbox75</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 3:06am<b>Beenie101</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 1:34am<b>flyingmind</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 10:23pm<b>oops6663</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 5:54pm<b>omgbrainZ</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 8:40am<b>vampivy23</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 7:54am<b>wassuploves</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 6:13am<b>kitkatjoy_96</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 1:52am<b>kindleh09</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 12:37am

Fucked!<b>WCARlover</b> - yesterday at 7:40pm<b>kitkatjoy_96</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 7:52am<b>allyiscute1</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 1:47am<b>Miss_Mandi</b> - the 07/09/2015 at 3:41am<b>MyNameIsLaughter</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 5:49pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 2:02am<b>D_Word_Head</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 10:06am<b>Grumpy_Cookiez</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 5:51am<b>bumble_beee_23</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 8:27am<b>GalaxyShots</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 10:06pm<b>bopersonn</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 5:12am<b>euphoricness</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 3:26am<b>Janawa</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 12:58am<b>Welshite</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 4:52am<b>BBlah</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 3:09am<b>Nyx</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 11:20pm

Schizomaniac's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Schizomaniac's badges

Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

#20873553
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37787) - you deserved it (8993)

On 09/08/2013 at 9:42pm - animals - by sillydoggy - United States

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

#20863540
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44971) - you deserved it (3244)

On 09/01/2013 at 7:06pm - misc - by WaltTheFuckDad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52356) - you deserved it (3136)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

#20824961
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50421) - you deserved it (24346)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

#20823157
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54338) - you deserved it (18261)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:07am - work - by offuckingcourse - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML

#20796032
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60571) - you deserved it (4401)

On 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm - misc - by notenoughunderwearintheworld (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I was playing solitaire when an achievement popped up on my phone. "You have just completed your 1000th game of solitaire!" Never felt so alone in my life. FML

#20793723
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45893) - you deserved it (7636)

On 07/20/2013 at 4:14am - misc - by solitaire - United States (Washington)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52752) - you deserved it (6663)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61957) - you deserved it (11607)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

#20756642
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52166) - you deserved it (8552)

On 06/30/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by Acidic Donut - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

#20742827
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49075) - you deserved it (4664)

On 06/23/2013 at 3:19pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

#20688904
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50985) - you deserved it (23644)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

#20688045
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45349) - you deserved it (7704)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

#20686906
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53327) - you deserved it (2853)

On 05/26/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by gooddeedgonebad (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



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