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Schizomaniac

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Schizomaniac

43Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 9 August 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7931
  • Number of comments : 1348
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Schizomaniac : Why can't a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?

Schizomaniac's page activity

Visits<b>WarMachine68</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 10:23am<b>goldengirlsfan</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 7:09pm<b>swanheart</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 8:55am<b>hobbs96</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 8:34am<b>BadDay98</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 10:35am<b>Katdurin</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 4:25am<b>granovist</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 5:12pm<b>abbyleigh3</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 4:20pm<b>teentee401</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 1:22pm<b>cameron6731</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 6:33pm<b>nightwoman</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 12:07pm<b>ThePaperDragon</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 11:09pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 2:03pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 11/30/2015 at 3:06pm<b>oldmanringo</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 7:07pm<b>xyris</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 3:32pm<b>simply_meeeee</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 6:51pm<b>txblondie3</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 3:15pm

Fucked!<b>WarMachine68</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 4:23pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 8:01pm<b>xyris</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 9:32pm<b>eleanor_jae1101</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 1:28am<b>typical_senpai</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 2:25am<b>earlytermination</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 4:16pm<b>interesting33</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 12:30pm<b>nissanleaf</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 9:14am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 8:35am<b>arabian22</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 8:09pm<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:34am<b>queensassygoat</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 4:15am<b>dmo4</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:34pm<b>cariboucontainer</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:22pm<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:17pm<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 2:33pm<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 4:06pm<b>KayDee29</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 9:54am

Schizomaniac's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

See all of Schizomaniac's badges

Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

#21182978
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43196) - you deserved it (5125)

On 06/21/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML

#21178277
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46594) - you deserved it (4422)

On 06/17/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by the lannisters send their retards - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

#21154891
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48452) - you deserved it (3662)

On 05/28/2014 at 5:07pm - misc - by chubbs - United States (California)

Today, my brother tried to give my dog a walk by attaching an RC helicopter to the leash and following him while flying it. He broke the RC helicopter which cost 300 dollars, and we had to search for the dog for 3 hours. FML

#21147533
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43456) - you deserved it (8686)

On 05/21/2014 at 5:38pm - kids - by Ace - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

#21116666
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43955) - you deserved it (8547)

On 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML

#21082949
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46842) - you deserved it (4351)

On 03/10/2014 at 4:22am - misc - by are you kidding me? - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

#21051355
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44721) - you deserved it (23319)

On 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Evolution mama (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

#21026645
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52538) - you deserved it (4727)

On 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

#20941049
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94197) - you deserved it (6873)

On 11/01/2013 at 3:01am - intimacy - by PapaW - United States (Utah)

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

#20932595
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51638) - you deserved it (6047)

On 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

#20918730
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23255) - you deserved it (87335)

On 10/13/2013 at 10:38am - love - by not getting laid - United States (Texas)

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61419) - you deserved it (3699)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

#20900698
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66575) - you deserved it (27158)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by -___- (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

#20896646
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38461) - you deserved it (3268)

On 09/26/2013 at 9:50am - health - by CancerFdMyLife (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

#20880791
102 comments


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