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Schizomaniac

Offline (the 06/24/2014 at 4:16pm) | Search for a member

Schizomaniac

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5269
  • Number of comments : 1327
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Schizomaniac : Hello there.

If you're going to send me a message please say more than "hi" or "sup."

Schizomaniac's page activity

Visits<b>shadowedpixie</b> - yesterday at 4:40am<b>youahhstu</b> - yesterday at 1:13am<b>jay_tyrrell</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 11:34pm<b>thinkaboutit5</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 11:18am<b>angelk19</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 3:23am<b>snorgia</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 12:54am<b>Dawminator</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 12:45am<b>Caylee_G</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 7:48am<b>the_Jessicaaa</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 12:39am<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 4:09pm<b>Garrison21</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 7:25pm<b>Much2Much4U</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 6:38pm<b>VyronBuckingham</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 5:38pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 4:56pm<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 4:54pm<b>Semperfi92340</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 8:54am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 3:34am<b>tifdunc</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 12:01am

Schizomaniac's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

See all of Schizomaniac's badges

Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

#20941049
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80416) - you deserved it (4604)

On 11/01/2013 at 3:01am - intimacy - by PapaW - United States (Utah)

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

#20932595
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45916) - you deserved it (5353)

On 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

#20918730
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21234) - you deserved it (80130)

On 10/13/2013 at 10:38am - love - by not getting laid - United States (Texas)

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53996) - you deserved it (2861)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

#20900698
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55543) - you deserved it (22675)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by -___- (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

#20896646
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33461) - you deserved it (2808)

On 09/26/2013 at 9:50am - health - by CancerFdMyLife (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

#20880791
102 comments

Today, I asked a friend to hang out. I'm so used to people saying no, that when she said yes I burst into tears and had a panic attack. FML

#20880509
117 comments

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54712) - you deserved it (8947)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

#20876850
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21847) - you deserved it (73549)

On 09/11/2013 at 9:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53268) - you deserved it (11862)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

#20873553
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34773) - you deserved it (8429)

On 09/08/2013 at 9:42pm - animals - by sillydoggy - United States

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

#20863540
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41305) - you deserved it (2799)

On 09/01/2013 at 7:06pm - misc - by WaltTheFuckDad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51091) - you deserved it (3017)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

#20824961
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47352) - you deserved it (22744)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States



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