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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 9 August 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7729
  • Number of comments : 1347
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Schizomaniac : Why can't a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?

Schizomaniac's page activity

Visits<b>oldmanringo</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 7:07pm<b>xyris</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 3:32pm<b>simply_meeeee</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 6:51pm<b>txblondie3</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 3:15pm<b>eleanor_jae1101</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 7:28pm<b>kawayi</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 10:08pm<b>Aukrenchi</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 2:35am<b>lyhom</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 2:21pm<b>evilamoebaattack</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 4:41am<b>Miss_Chevious</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 12:46pm<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 4:40am<b>ThePaperDragon</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 6:17pm<b>typical_senpai</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 8:25pm<b>Baustigt</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 1:59pm<b>noamoa9</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 1:13pm<b>CaityOlivia94</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 12:49am<b>NthDakotaBeaches</b> - the 10/05/2015 at 5:47pm<b>HazzaStylesCake</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 9:55am

Fucked!<b>xyris</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 9:32pm<b>eleanor_jae1101</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 1:28am<b>typical_senpai</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 2:25am<b>earlytermination</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 4:16pm<b>interesting33</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 12:30pm<b>nissanleaf</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 9:14am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 8:35am<b>arabian22</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 8:09pm<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:34am<b>queensassygoat</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 4:15am<b>dmo4</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:34pm<b>cariboucontainer</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:22pm<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:17pm<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 2:33pm<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 4:06pm<b>KayDee29</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 9:54am<b>BlackFames</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 6:44am<b>JCX2</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 6:27am

Schizomaniac's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.


Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.


You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Schizomaniac's badges

Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26048) - you deserved it (47810)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50311) - you deserved it (19505)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45774) - you deserved it (15394)

On 08/17/2014 at 2:15am - kids - by you ripped them off ages ago (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML


I agree, your life sucks (56067) - you deserved it (23310)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52168) - you deserved it (22821)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41421) - you deserved it (17170)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:23pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML


I agree, your life sucks (54873) - you deserved it (7425)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41053) - you deserved it (21284)

On 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm - work - by dammit hearing aid - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML


I agree, your life sucks (56323) - you deserved it (8417)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22598) - you deserved it (58506)

On 06/29/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45518) - you deserved it (8111)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by keelah (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML


I agree, your life sucks (50102) - you deserved it (9048)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML


I agree, your life sucks (43375) - you deserved it (4367)

On 06/27/2014 at 2:11am - work - by IAMALITAHA (man) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42846) - you deserved it (5093)

On 06/21/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML


I agree, your life sucks (46190) - you deserved it (4374)

On 06/17/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by the lannisters send their retards - United Kingdom (London, City of)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #20
  • Here we are in November! Winter is here, for most of us, it's dark, grey and depressing and if you're the kind of person who watches network news 24/7, you're probably going to need some cheering up.…

Monday 30 November 2015

The whole blog

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