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Schizomaniac

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Schizomaniac

43Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 9 August 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7934
  • Number of comments : 1348
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Schizomaniac : Why can't a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?

Schizomaniac's page activity

Visits<b>WarMachine68</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 10:23am<b>goldengirlsfan</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 7:09pm<b>swanheart</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 8:55am<b>hobbs96</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 8:34am<b>BadDay98</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 10:35am<b>Katdurin</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 4:25am<b>granovist</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 5:12pm<b>abbyleigh3</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 4:20pm<b>teentee401</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 1:22pm<b>cameron6731</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 6:33pm<b>nightwoman</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 12:07pm<b>ThePaperDragon</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 11:09pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 2:03pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 11/30/2015 at 3:06pm<b>oldmanringo</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 7:07pm<b>xyris</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 3:32pm<b>simply_meeeee</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 6:51pm<b>txblondie3</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 3:15pm

Fucked!<b>WarMachine68</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 4:23pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 8:01pm<b>xyris</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 9:32pm<b>eleanor_jae1101</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 1:28am<b>typical_senpai</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 2:25am<b>earlytermination</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 4:16pm<b>interesting33</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 12:30pm<b>nissanleaf</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 9:14am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 8:35am<b>arabian22</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 8:09pm<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:34am<b>queensassygoat</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 4:15am<b>dmo4</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:34pm<b>cariboucontainer</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:22pm<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:17pm<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 2:33pm<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 4:06pm<b>KayDee29</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 9:54am

Schizomaniac's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

See all of Schizomaniac's badges

Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

#21258033
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35148) - you deserved it (20028)

On 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

#21250726
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54537) - you deserved it (3001)

On 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm - misc - by SadAndDeaf -

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26191) - you deserved it (48053)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50728) - you deserved it (19650)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

#21239517
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46308) - you deserved it (15587)

On 08/17/2014 at 2:15am - kids - by you ripped them off ages ago (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

#21233355
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56504) - you deserved it (23478)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52468) - you deserved it (22925)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

#21219507
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41788) - you deserved it (17283)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:23pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55152) - you deserved it (7452)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

#21205262
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41355) - you deserved it (21427)

On 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm - work - by dammit hearing aid - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56758) - you deserved it (8458)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

#21192717
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22740) - you deserved it (58893)

On 06/29/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

#21190580
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45760) - you deserved it (8151)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by keelah (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50418) - you deserved it (9095)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

#21189976
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43635) - you deserved it (4387)

On 06/27/2014 at 2:11am - work - by IAMALITAHA (man) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)



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