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Schizomaniac

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Schizomaniac

36Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 9 August 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7367
  • Number of comments : 1345
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Schizomaniac : Why can't a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?

Schizomaniac's page activity

Visits<b>sacrosanct2</b> - 8 hours ago<b>allyboss78</b> - 17 hours ago<b>strangegirl505</b> - 17 hours ago<b>ajm262</b> - yesterday at 2:19pm<b>seetei</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 1:19pm<b>theRoyalWife</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 10:54am<b>judogirlmackie</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 9:11am<b>nissanleaf</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 3:14am<b>psychedelicdezzy</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 3:14am<b>TPH1979</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 4:45pm<b>musifer</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 3:19am<b>MatthewDemirjian</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 1:47pm<b>salii321</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 10:51am<b>mimi_tenten</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 9:50am<b>missblue97</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 4:30am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 2:35am<b>desijatt</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 11:06pm<b>tjw1616</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 7:39pm

Fucked!<b>nissanleaf</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 9:14am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 8:35am<b>arabian22</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 8:09pm<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:34am<b>queensassygoat</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 4:15am<b>dmo4</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:34pm<b>cariboucontainer</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:22pm<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 3:17pm<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 2:33pm<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 4:06pm<b>KayDee29</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 9:54am<b>BlackFames</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 6:44am<b>JCX2</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 6:27am<b>chaseafterwind82</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 6:14am<b>booterus</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 5:24am<b>SuperDani</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 4:50am<b>vikky538</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 4:33am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 9:35pm

Schizomaniac's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Schizomaniac's badges

Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49703) - you deserved it (19270)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

#21239517
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45253) - you deserved it (15224)

On 08/17/2014 at 2:15am - kids - by you ripped them off ages ago (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

#21233355
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55517) - you deserved it (23095)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51754) - you deserved it (22651)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

#21219507
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40960) - you deserved it (17002)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:23pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54389) - you deserved it (7376)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

#21205262
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40605) - you deserved it (21075)

On 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm - work - by dammit hearing aid - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53236) - you deserved it (8265)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

#21192717
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22438) - you deserved it (58054)

On 06/29/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

#21190580
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45053) - you deserved it (8042)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by keelah (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49576) - you deserved it (8976)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

#21189976
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42886) - you deserved it (4336)

On 06/27/2014 at 2:11am - work - by IAMALITAHA (man) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

#21182978
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40508) - you deserved it (4870)

On 06/21/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML

#21178277
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45816) - you deserved it (4344)

On 06/17/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by the lannisters send their retards - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

#21154891
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47513) - you deserved it (3595)

On 05/28/2014 at 5:07pm - misc - by chubbs - United States (California)



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