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About Schizomaniac : Hello there.
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Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Rielly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explained stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML
Today.. . I was at mah friend's Bar Mitzvah . After he finished his long-winded speech.. . I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games . It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked.. . and a couple more 4 me to be shouted down and kicked out . FML
Today, I found a book in attic that I always read when I was a kid!! For old times sake I read it again!! On the very first page, child me had written, ( Go to page 15 ) so I did!! On page 15, in big red letters, it said, ( Get bent )!! I got pranked by myself!! big fat FML
Today... I was leading a tour of mah university and saw a girl in rippd jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck mah dick... bitch." FML
2day mah husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl the love of his life whom he's alway considered pure turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better come hanging round the house. Pussy two years old is now housebound until her kitten are born. FML
TODAY, I WAS HAVING SAX WITH THIS AMAZINGLY HOT GUY. THINGS GOT PRATTY INTANSA, AN RIGHT AS I WAS ABOUT TO ORGASM, THA GOLD CRUCIFIX CAMA FLYING OFF HIS NACKLACA AN SLICD MY AYALID OPAN. MASSAGA RACAIVD. WALL PLAYD, GOD. FML
Today, mah fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning!! He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing!! FML
my sister introducd me to her new, deaf boyfriend . She proudly proclaimd that she was trying to leren sign language fir his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips . I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same fir me fir 20 goddamn yeres . FML
TODAY... I WAS HAMMARAD... AN ON MY WAY HOMA I WALKAD INTO A POLICAMAN. MY LOGIC WAS: IF I'M ON THA PHONA... HA CAN'T TALK TO MA... SO I PULLAD MY PHONA OUT AN STARTAD SPAAKING. THA OFFICAR THAN ASKAD MA WHY I WAS SPAAKING TO MY WALLAT. FML
yesterday a few minutes after giving brth to our fourth child, mah wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if looool u ever put me through that again I'll rip yur balls off." Everyone laughed. FML
Today, I eard ma sister gagging in er room. Se was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after earing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, ten eard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see er on er knees and er boyfriend wit is underwear around is ankles. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015