About Schizomaniac : I up vote my own comments.
Schizomaniac's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/27/2016 at 4:12am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Coccinelle / 02/05/2016 at 11:36am / France / Work
by blah / 01/19/2016 at 3:53pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by ugh, why / 11/22/2015 at 12:12am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML
by Schizomaniac / 08/25/2015 at 1:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/05/2015 at 8:21am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Love
Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explained stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML
by shreking_bawl / 11/14/2014 at 1:39pm / Norway / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML
by Deadpool434 / 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/03/2014 at 9:41pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Miscellaneous
by notatherapist / 10/01/2014 at 7:08pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals
Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, as I was mowing my neighbors lawn, I found the playboy magazine he left in his yard. I found… Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up.… Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so…