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Schizomaniac

Offline (the 06/24/2014 at 4:16pm) | Search for a member

Schizomaniac

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5330
  • Number of comments : 1327
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Schizomaniac : Hello there.

If you're going to send me a message please say more than "hi" or "sup."

Schizomaniac's page activity

Visits<b>qwertsarecool122</b> - 21 hours ago<b>jay_tyrrell</b> - 23 hours ago<b>Crusher74</b> - yesterday at 9:43am<b>z3r0d4z3</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 2:45am<b>shadowedpixie</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 4:40am<b>youahhstu</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 1:13am<b>thinkaboutit5</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 11:18am<b>angelk19</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 3:23am<b>snorgia</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 12:54am<b>Dawminator</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 12:45am<b>Caylee_G</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 7:48am<b>the_Jessicaaa</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 12:39am<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 4:09pm<b>Garrison21</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 7:25pm<b>Much2Much4U</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 6:38pm<b>VyronBuckingham</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 5:38pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 4:56pm<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 4:54pm

Schizomaniac's FML badges

Judgmental

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You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

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Schizomaniac's favorite FMLs

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

#21219507
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36159) - you deserved it (14800)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:23pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49670) - you deserved it (6570)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

#21205262
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37677) - you deserved it (19521)

On 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm - work - by dammit hearing aid - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51226) - you deserved it (7681)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

#21192717
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21220) - you deserved it (54807)

On 06/29/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

#21190580
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41428) - you deserved it (7441)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by keelah (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45856) - you deserved it (8288)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

#21189976
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39663) - you deserved it (4075)

On 06/27/2014 at 2:11am - work - by IAMALITAHA (man) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

#21182978
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39618) - you deserved it (4755)

On 06/21/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML

#21178277
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43208) - you deserved it (4105)

On 06/17/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by the lannisters send their retards - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

#21154891
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45058) - you deserved it (3366)

On 05/28/2014 at 5:07pm - misc - by chubbs - United States (California)

Today, my brother tried to give my dog a walk by attaching an RC helicopter to the leash and following him while flying it. He broke the RC helicopter which cost 300 dollars, and we had to search for the dog for 3 hours. FML

#21147533
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39810) - you deserved it (8140)

On 05/21/2014 at 5:38pm - kids - by Ace - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

#21116666
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40311) - you deserved it (7933)

On 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML

#21082949
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43398) - you deserved it (4051)

On 03/10/2014 at 4:22am - misc - by are you kidding me? - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

#21051355
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41333) - you deserved it (21501)

On 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Evolution mama (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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