About SayPeanuts : "Look, now he’s going up on that little ladder. Up he goes with that little wiggle of his. The wiggle of Judas. The Judas boogie."
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46248) - you deserved it (8552)
On 07/18/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by fartypeepee (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33777) - you deserved it (28093)
On 05/31/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by bluehairedfreakgirl (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41746) - you deserved it (2648)
On 05/20/2009 at 4:01pm - love - by edible (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57747) - you deserved it (2707)
On 05/19/2009 at 9:21pm - kids - by bopbop (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24544) - you deserved it (106466)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24393) - you deserved it (103059)
On 05/07/2009 at 7:36am - animals - by MJ3105 (man) - Israel
Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62626) - you deserved it (6197)
On 05/06/2009 at 11:47pm - kids - by fmal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (51829) - you deserved it (18218)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (207592) - you deserved it (10112)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML
I agree, your life sucks (13985) - you deserved it (44925)
On 04/24/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by cole (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19437) - you deserved it (76915)
On 04/23/2009 at 1:44am - health - by tgstreaks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was fixing my makeup in the back room of the office when my boss walked in. He looked kind of annoyed so I jokingly said "Don't you want your secretary to look good?" He said, "If I did I wouldn't have hired you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (49833) - you deserved it (9094)
On 04/04/2009 at 10:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after finishing a huge French essay, I realized my printer wasn't working. So, I emailed it to a guy in my class to print and then give to me. When I get to French, he said he had already turned his in early and never got my email. It turned out he used mine. I got an F on the essay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55360) - you deserved it (12961)
On 03/26/2009 at 11:38pm - misc - by lauren555 - United States (Virginia)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53334) - you deserved it (418209)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the check out line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was okay. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (74424) - you deserved it (5639)
On 03/14/2009 at 12:13am - health - by choker (woman) - United States (Florida)
Monday 20 May 2013
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