About SayPeanuts : "Look, now he’s going up on that little ladder. Up he goes with that little wiggle of his. The wiggle of Judas. The Judas boogie."
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SayPeanuts's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML
by vhtdgjj / 11/29/2010 at 1:26pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML
by fungettingdressed / 10/12/2010 at 8:57am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/26/2010 at 7:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/09/2010 at 9:24am / United States (Connecticut) / Health
Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
by Anonymous / 03/04/2010 at 12:15pm / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Love
Today, after a particularly gruesome nightmare about spiders due to my irrational phobia, I decided to try and desensitise myself by googling 'house spiders'. I can't stop the feeling of something crawling over every inch of my body, but at least I now know they can live up to six years. FML
by joolsie / 02/27/2010 at 9:03pm / United Kingdom (York) / Health
Today, after 22 years of perfect skin, I woke up with a bunch of angry zits on my nose. I used a clay face mask that was supposed to dry them out. Instead, they were bigger and green. Today is Valentine's day, I finally have a guy to go out with, and my nose looks like it's rotting off. FML
by zitgirl / 02/14/2010 at 9:14am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/11/2010 at 3:09am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML
by Anonymous / 12/14/2009 at 12:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 4:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 9:18am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
by Abby / 11/10/2009 at 7:10pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2009 at 11:15pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was reading in my bed, and my cat was lying on my chest. I noticed something white on my cat's leg. I'm far-sighted and wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see what it was. I touched it and put on my glasses. Turns out it was a worm hanging out of my cat's anus. It started wiggling. FML
by K.H / 10/26/2009 at 12:42pm / Sweden (Dalarnas Lan) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…