About SayPeanuts : "Look, now he’s going up on that little ladder. Up he goes with that little wiggle of his. The wiggle of Judas. The Judas boogie."
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SayPeanuts's favorite FMLs
by catlover / 06/16/2011 at 12:14pm / China / Animals
Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML
by anonymous / 06/15/2011 at 2:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/17/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard that one of our customers had passed away. Saddened, I told everyone who came into our shop about his death. Understandably, some customers got very upset and one even fainted. Suddenly, the 'dead' man walked into the shop. Turns out I got the name wrong. FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2011 at 8:17pm / Ireland (Cavan) / Health
Today, the bus came to pick up my daughter to take her to kindergarten. When it honked, I opened the door for her to let her run out to it. Halfway there she tripped and started crying. I couldn't run out because I was still in my underwear. Now her bus thinks I'm the worst mom ever. FML
by mommylovesu / 03/14/2011 at 10:25pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
by vlcardenx3 / 03/12/2011 at 4:11pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 8:12am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML
Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML
by thestudent / 02/18/2011 at 4:30am / Philippines (Manila) / Miscellaneous
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2011 at 2:35am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML
Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 2:12am / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML
by Christopher / 12/13/2010 at 4:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML
by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive… Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most… Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me.…