About SayPeanuts : "Look, now he’s going up on that little ladder. Up he goes with that little wiggle of his. The wiggle of Judas. The Judas boogie."
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19900) - you deserved it (16353)
On 02/18/2011 at 4:30am - misc - by thestudent (man) - Philippines (Manila)
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33471) - you deserved it (3384)
On 02/18/2011 at 2:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15334) - you deserved it (2458)
On 01/19/2011 at 9:55am - work - by tgpgs -
Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20611) - you deserved it (7267)
On 01/06/2011 at 2:35am - health - by Anonymous -
Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19586) - you deserved it (1860)
On 01/04/2011 at 2:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82727) - you deserved it (3840)
On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9253) - you deserved it (63976)
On 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8770) - you deserved it (36126)
On 11/29/2010 at 1:26pm - love - by vhtdgjj - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26779) - you deserved it (2846)
On 11/25/2010 at 9:48am - animals - by Seline -
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38035) - you deserved it (6146)
On 10/12/2010 at 8:57am - intimacy - by fungettingdressed - United States
Today, I learned that my girlfriend gives good head. I didn't find out by getting one, I found out by my drunk best friend telling me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24802) - you deserved it (1857)
On 09/26/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9362) - you deserved it (36698)
On 08/09/2010 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27723) - you deserved it (8143)
On 03/04/2010 at 12:15pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)
Today, after a particularly gruesome nightmare about spiders due to my irrational phobia, I decided to try and desensitise myself by googling 'house spiders'. I can't stop the feeling of something crawling over every inch of my body, but at least I now know they can live up to six years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13457) - you deserved it (5542)
On 02/27/2010 at 9:03pm - health - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, after 22 years of perfect skin, I woke up with a bunch of angry zits on my nose. I used a clay face mask that was supposed to dry them out. Instead, they were bigger and green. Today is Valentine's day, I finally have a guy to go out with, and my nose looks like it's rotting off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21692) - you deserved it (3613)
On 02/14/2010 at 9:14am - love - by zitgirl (woman) - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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