About Save_Bandit : Hi!
I'm a swimmer, and I love it.
That is all.
About Save_Bandit : Hi!
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Save_Bandit's favorite FMLs
Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML
by leenibeani4 / 03/07/2010 at 10:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML
by dollybabe / 01/09/2010 at 4:20pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
by sucks_brah / 12/25/2009 at 2:25am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML
by squidwardpotatoes / 11/14/2009 at 6:08am / United States (California) / Transportation
by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML
by NotThatKind / 08/24/2009 at 12:28am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML
by DutchOven / 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by galen / 06/03/2009 at 2:06am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML
by wordmalfunction / 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by lm / 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
by fartmaster / 04/22/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking with my father on the phone when I mentioned I wanted to stay at school over the summer and work. He asked if it would be lonely with the campus empty, when I replied that my friends would be working here too. He asked: "What, all two of them?" FML
by halebop / 04/06/2009 at 1:26am / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML
by mugs / 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…