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Savannah_Stone3

Offline (the 02/26/2015 at 5:21am) | Search for a member

Savannah_Stone3

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Savannah_Stone3's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33989) - you deserved it (7262)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

#21327404
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26663) - you deserved it (15620)

On 12/30/2014 at 8:39pm - work - by smooth - United States

Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML

#21296653
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31664) - you deserved it (3941)

On 11/11/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by mouthwash - United States (Ohio)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

#21270394
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35929) - you deserved it (4229)

On 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm - health - by Disappointed -

Today, the man I have been in love with for years came to me with a beautiful ring and a heartfelt proposal. Too bad it ended with an eager, "So do you think he'll say yes?" FML

Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement and turned on the TV to the local news. The station goes to their sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passed, I looked outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML

#21137290
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48617) - you deserved it (4429)

On 05/11/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by Gone With the Wind - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

#21095689
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48106) - you deserved it (12245)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm - misc - by dani (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML

#21086753
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40004) - you deserved it (34637)

On 03/14/2014 at 7:23pm - intimacy - by why - United States (California)

Today, my mom came into my room, yelling at me about a pregnancy test that she found in my bathroom. My mom wouldn't believe me when I said it wasn't mine. Turns out my sister bought the test, threw it under my bathroom cabinet, and now she won't admit to the prank. She thinks this is hilarious. FML

#21078463
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43721) - you deserved it (3384)

On 03/05/2014 at 12:43am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while, but I had heard she was pregnant. I rubbed her belly and asked when she was due. She slowly backed away, giving me a weird look and said, "Two months ago." FML

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

#21051355
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42148) - you deserved it (21903)

On 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Evolution mama (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

#21046394
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43335) - you deserved it (8240)

On 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47657) - you deserved it (7048)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58538) - you deserved it (9409)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57774) - you deserved it (5796)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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