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SarahPilko's FML badges
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SarahPilko's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up after a night out at the bar, immediately remembering that I had lost my cell phone, my ID and somehow spent $100. Feeling like shit already, my friend then goes on to tell me that I flashed the entire bar, and ran around the hotel naked. FML
by drunkennight / 11/22/2009 at 10:45pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 12:55am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML
by Anonymous / 09/13/2009 at 5:27am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm / United States (Arizona) / Holidays
Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat". I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2009 at 7:40am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Animals
by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by NinjaPanda88 / 08/01/2009 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Love
by joe1234 / 07/16/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML
by uneek14 / 06/23/2009 at 10:19am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML
by meantowheels / 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/20/2009 at 3:08pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 1:26am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by OompaLoompa / 06/18/2009 at 9:32am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't… Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed… Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went…