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Up and coming moderator
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50 favourites
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Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37641) - you deserved it (5375)
On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5434) - you deserved it (48572)
On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover my car was missing. After a frantic search, I started to hyperventilate and a nearly had a full-blown panic attack. Then I remembered I walked to the store. I am an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6812) - you deserved it (7138)
Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21843) - you deserved it (1709)
On 12/08/2011 at 1:57pm - misc - by mattdevil - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, my mom found a new way to get me to clean my room. She piled everything from my floor in front of my wardrobe and padlocked my dresser shut. The best part? She put the key in my room. The worst part? She put over a hundred decoys in there too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7766) - you deserved it (22473)
On 10/01/2011 at 7:45pm - misc - by Kazuya - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11654) - you deserved it (1008)
On 09/28/2011 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Sabraynay -
Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10454) - you deserved it (1180)
On 09/09/2011 at 9:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12785) - you deserved it (1380)
On 09/08/2011 at 8:52am - love - by I_dislike_Twilight (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my GPS told me that I'd reached my destination. In the middle of the highway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18479) - you deserved it (3396)
On 09/05/2011 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12892) - you deserved it (863)
On 09/05/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21466) - you deserved it (9822)
On 09/05/2011 at 12:38am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was digging in the backyard when my mom came out, nodded her head approvingly, and with a straight face told me it was good practice for when I inevitably go to prison. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17855) - you deserved it (2758)
On 09/04/2011 at 1:05pm - work - by mike - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. What was it over? He accused me of pronouncing MY name wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10311) - you deserved it (1077)
On 09/04/2011 at 1:41am - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty, when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here." from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11177) - you deserved it (2280)
On 09/04/2011 at 12:16am - misc - by Pizza-less - United States (Washington)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
I agree, your life sucks (28039) - you deserved it (2401)
On 09/03/2011 at 12:48am - love - by CHStennis_4 - United States (Utah)
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