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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21276) - you deserved it (1868)
On 02/15/2011 at 12:09am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30786) - you deserved it (3412)
On 02/14/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)
Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29325) - you deserved it (3418)
On 02/02/2011 at 12:11pm - love - by straightasaneedle (man) - Germany (Hessen)
Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23216) - you deserved it (4132)
On 12/08/2010 at 4:40am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, in my journalism class, after trying hard to find some actual news to comment, we ended up talking about gay porn and fashion designers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6926) - you deserved it (11309)
On 11/16/2010 at 10:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Romania (Cluj)
Today, I was sitting on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy came and sat next to me. Next thing I know, he farts loudly, then proudly looks my way. I stared back in shock. He says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49149) - you deserved it (9960)
On 11/03/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by flying13 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, at work, there is a rumor going around that I'm gay. Somewhat curious at how did this start, I asked a co-worker. He said I was seen 3 days ago at a mall holding hands with someone who looks like a guy from behind. Three days ago, I was at the mall with my girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22296) - you deserved it (2621)
On 10/27/2010 at 2:50am - misc - by lucki (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31432) - you deserved it (6360)
On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I went to a gay club with my supportive straight best friend to find me a date. Somehow, she managed to go home with a guy and I'm still decidedly single. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23850) - you deserved it (4545)
On 09/12/2010 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, I found out that my employers hired me under the assumption that I was gay. Apparently, they are attempting to be perceived as more open-minded. I'm not gay, but I'm afraid being straight could cost me my job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27054) - you deserved it (2707)
On 09/02/2010 at 5:09pm - work - by confused (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28064) - you deserved it (4807)
On 08/30/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38232) - you deserved it (10977)
On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20612) - you deserved it (12148)
On 05/15/2010 at 3:47am - kids - by Teaching26 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17048) - you deserved it (3007)
On 02/24/2010 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8636) - you deserved it (1838)
On 02/16/2010 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by tacolove69 - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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