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Sammy61400's favorite FMLs
by Overworked / 09/30/2013 at 1:01am / United States / Health
by ew / 08/11/2013 at 9:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Soundofaboner / 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML
by daughter of a gullible cunt / 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML
by DamnTornadoAlley / 08/30/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
by checkup / 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Intimacy
Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML
by whattdafuuukkkk / 06/05/2012 at 7:56am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 11/23/2011 at 4:36am / United States / Health
by religionbites621 / 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
by jazzybell / 11/20/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hurriedly doing laundry. I threw a second load in the dryer and slammed the door shut. All of a sudden, I heard scratching and whining coming from the dryer. My cat probably hates me now. FML
by benji / 11/01/2011 at 3:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, my parents staged a family intervention and gave me the grandest bollocking I've ever experienced in all my 22 years of life. They did this because my sister showed them a photo of me jokingly posing with three bottles of Bud Light at a party. Apparently, I'm an alcoholic in denial. FML
by wtf / 10/24/2011 at 6:46pm / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML
by Stuck / 09/08/2011 at 6:00am / United States / Health
- Today my cat got operated for an eye problem, while he was drugged after the operation he tought it… Today I was at the store looking for Worcester sauce. I asked this cute, very young attendant. He… Today,i attempted to weight the pig im raising for fair. Took me 20 minutes to get her close to the…