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Same_Heart

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Same_Heart

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  • Number of visits : 129
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

50 favourites

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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Same_Heart's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to end a first date with the words, "You can get out of my car and go upstairs yourself, or I can come around and drag you out, bring you up the stairs, and knock on your door," because he'd gotten completely plastered in a span of about three hours. And yes, I had to drag him. FML

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

#21305863
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27773) - you deserved it (2338)

On 11/25/2014 at 3:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom booked a family trip to Sweden. This would be great, if she hadn't asked me to tell our former German exchange student that we were coming to visit her in Germany. She was thrilled. Now I have to be the one to let her down. FML

#21305750
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23745) - you deserved it (1965)

On 11/25/2014 at 11:14am - misc - by Blöde Gans - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

#21305050
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33737) - you deserved it (2518)

On 11/24/2014 at 8:44am - love - by ohwell (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, the girl I'd been dating online for 6 months told me she was a guy. I said it was alright, and that I was still in love. Then she confessed she really was a girl, and was just trying to make me dump her so she wouldn't be the "bad guy". FML

#21303306
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33811) - you deserved it (6384)

On 11/21/2014 at 1:18pm - love - by Recluse (man) -

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

#21302766
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29488) - you deserved it (7106)

On 11/20/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by fuck fof and die dad (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I realized that I ran out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

#21302617
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26273) - you deserved it (5809)

On 11/20/2014 at 6:32am - health - by LemonTree (man) - Hungary

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

#21302073
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35198) - you deserved it (3060)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:40pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

#21302056
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28589) - you deserved it (6996)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:03pm - love - by oops (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

#21300835
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27528) - you deserved it (3134)

On 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at work, a crazy customer forced me to promise to take a holiday greeting picture of my cat and myself for her. She says she'll be back and expects one. FML

#21300741
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27258) - you deserved it (2969)

On 11/17/2014 at 1:48pm - animals - by not crazy enough (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explained stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

#21298962
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27677) - you deserved it (2811)

On 11/14/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by shreking_bawl (man) - Norway

Today, while shopping, a lady came up to me and asked if she could borrow my baby because, "Y'know, I'm in a hurry and they'll let me checkout first." FML

#21297177
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31978) - you deserved it (2220)

On 11/11/2014 at 6:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - France

Today, the last of my close friends announced she is pregnant. Meanwhile, I'm single and my nest is empty. Well, not exactly, because even my freaking cat is pregnant. FML

#21295090
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32602) - you deserved it (4192)

On 11/08/2014 at 11:06pm - kids - by NoBabies - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML

#21295011
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34994) - you deserved it (2815)

On 11/08/2014 at 9:36pm - misc - by ItGirl - Sweden (Sodermanlands Lan)



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