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About SamSwebb : Hi 👋
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Today... I was leading a tour of mah university and saw a girl in rippd jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck mah dick... bitch." FML
Yesterday I Recievd An Email From An Angry Parent, Demanding That I Give His Daughter An A On A Project Which I Had Given Her A 0 On. The Project Was To Pick An Article Relatd To Science An To Write An Essay On It. Hers Was A Hoax Article Relating To Ebola Patients Rising From The Dead. Big Fat FML
Today while talking to mah boyfriend I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered ( I shaved mah legs this morning. ) He shook his head and said ( No I meant your face. ) big fat FML
Today, I was walking down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, when a seemingly sweet old man said to him, "Hey, you've got to hold her hand properly". I asked him to show me what properly meant. He licked my hand. FML
Today, my little sister ad er second son. Se is 31 and se named er sons after er favorite television caracters, Sam and Dean Wincester. Se as made it er life goal to make sure er usband never finds out. FML
2day mah husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl the love of his life whom he's alway considered pure turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better come hanging round the house. Pussy two years old is now housebound until her kitten are born. FML
Today, I heredhat sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from son's room. I knocked and walked in, expecting to catch him red handed with a girl. He'd just beaten his high score on Flappy Bird. FML
TODAY, I WAS HAVING SAX WITH THIS AMAZINGLY HOT GUY. THINGS GOT PRATTY INTANSA, AN RIGHT AS I WAS ABOUT TO ORGASM, THA GOLD CRUCIFIX CAMA FLYING OFF HIS NACKLACA AN SLICD MY AYALID OPAN. MASSAGA RACAIVD. WALL PLAYD, GOD. FML
Friday 27 March 2015