SamKiwi

Search for a member

Offline (the 10/18/2015 at 4:04pm)

SamKiwi

7Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 28 February 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3002
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

SamKiwi's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 8:29am<b>RaNdOmIzEd2017</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 10:53pm<b>pred8885</b> - the 02/28/2016 at 4:47am<b>Silentshdw13</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 12:30pm<b>getoffmyscreen</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 4:11am<b>glossy12</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 12:54am<b>_OF_WG_KTA_</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 12:54am<b>hammerhead2015</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 7:38pm<b>leopardwilliam</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 1:19am<b>Eabbs</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 3:19am<b>sarah2144</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 3:08am<b>thatoneguy1111</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 12:54am<b>joe3</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 2:57pm<b>MrCommunism</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 2:04pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 10:00am<b>dk1991</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 9:09am<b>iT_Cereal</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 9:48pm<b>muarif</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 8:09am

Fucked!<b>_OF_WG_KTA_</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 6:54am<b>hammerhead2015</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 1:39am<b>tranced_</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 4:01pm<b>dk1991</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 3:10pm<b>hkhan24</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 12:43pm<b>khoov19</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 7:01am

SamKiwi's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of SamKiwi's badges

SamKiwi's favorite FMLs

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2010 at 8:19pm / United States / Kids

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

by devigsgirl / 08/26/2010 at 12:08am / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

by elevenharries / 06/03/2010 at 4:54am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I went to IHOP for breakfast. As we were leaving, I realized a little girl took my Hello Kitty hairclip. For the next 5 minutes, I fought with an 8 year-old for a hairclip. She won. FML

by googoogaga / 03/13/2010 at 10:13am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

by virginmary / 03/02/2010 at 7:38am / Reserved / Intimacy

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

by englishfail / 01/15/2010 at 12:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

by Fredgruff / 01/09/2010 at 8:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

by StinkyCactus / 01/08/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML

by wjones / 12/15/2009 at 10:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

by Silent / 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking through the streets with my best friend, feeling confident in my new skinny jeans. My friend said, "you really should be wearing a thong with those pants, your underwear line is showing". I was wearing a thong, those lines were just my fat rolls. FML

by xkellybabyyx / 11/24/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

by yomamma787 / 11/24/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (New Mexico) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML

by anonymous / 10/27/2009 at 9:27am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML

by gunman / 10/20/2009 at 12:57am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

by P0wned / 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm / France (Bretagne) / Love