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SamKiwi's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/26/2010 at 8:19pm / United States / Kids
by devigsgirl / 08/26/2010 at 12:08am / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML
by elevenharries / 06/03/2010 at 4:54am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by googoogaga / 03/13/2010 at 10:13am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML
by virginmary / 03/02/2010 at 7:38am / Reserved / Intimacy
by englishfail / 01/15/2010 at 12:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML
by Fredgruff / 01/09/2010 at 8:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by StinkyCactus / 01/08/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML
by wjones / 12/15/2009 at 10:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Silent / 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking through the streets with my best friend, feeling confident in my new skinny jeans. My friend said, "you really should be wearing a thong with those pants, your underwear line is showing". I was wearing a thong, those lines were just my fat rolls. FML
by xkellybabyyx / 11/24/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by yomamma787 / 11/24/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (New Mexico) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML
by anonymous / 10/27/2009 at 9:27am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML
by gunman / 10/20/2009 at 12:57am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by P0wned / 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm / France (Bretagne) / Love
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…
- Today, I was outed. I'm 43 years old and have been in the closet since I realized I was gay in the… Today I found out that my mom who died 3 weeks ago left nothing to me in her will, and the security… Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out and my boyfriend told me not to worry about getting any soft…